because the things she was saying,
no-one would have said if they were sober.
we dont get things because we'd rather smash the puzzle pieces to bits
and throw them into the air and watch them fall,
wondering what we could have created.
i think i've been too busy with other people's thoughts,
that i've been sleeping through mine.
i hate you i hate you i hate you.
i hate you i hate you i hate you.
i wish i could hate you.
but instead ive memorised this off by heart,
i'm just waiting for a response.
i wish i could hate you.
have you ever been surrounded by people but still felt isolated?
it's how i'm feeling right now.
and you'd do anything just for a reply
some reassurance that someone's there
"i'd like some confirmation please"
its not store bought though.
i got it in a bucket instead.
cancel.
cancel.
click a button to return home
who are my friends anyway?
did you even fucking hear me?
or am i just that whining, annoying voice in your head that tells you to do bad things?
maybe i ask too many questions but no-one's giving me answers.
this isnt self expression
this is self deprivation.
it's the devils of angels past
i kind of want to go numb sometimes
just to see if i still can.
being numb is kinda weird;
if youre numb, but you're aware that you are numb, then you wouldnt be, because youre still feeling something.
who's on whose shoulder now??
im listening to this string piece on repeat
its a bit depressing.
but so are you.
i want to buy a missile and build an aeroplane.
i want to end this frustration now and just go back in time.
have you ever had one of those revelations,
where everything you think is just
negative
negative
negative
negative
negative.
i thought i saw bright lights
but they were just superheroes telling me to save myself.
these words sound better if you put other words before and after them.
i used to own the road because i was going everywhere
now i dont even feel lucky anymore.
clash
bang
pop.
i could have sworn you hadn't changed.
but even i can't stop time.
sometimes i wish i had the cure for cancer. then maybe they'd look at me differently.
what does life look like through the plasma screen?
wonderful, i bet.
completely unrealistic, but wonderful.
i want to run away and just sleep for days. and pretend you/it/they/this never happened.
but reality will just thrash violently against my door, until i give up and let it in.
the monster called Reality will kill my friend named Dream.
and i will cry.
and then Denial will come along and teach me how to Pretend.
and then you'll come along,
and bring someone named Dream again.
hear that at the door?
it's Reality.
lux means light.
the sun wasn't on time today.
i look, i laugh, i never look at it again.
feeling discarded
like a worn out rag doll
it's not a nice feeling.
walking behind a pair of people
and only catching glimpses of their conversation
its not a nice feeling.
realising that he did
it's not a nice feeling.
realising who she is
it's not a nice feeling.
realising youre capable of feeling such emotions
it's not a nice feeling.
my name isn't on the invitation
the coffee isn't for me
it smells like plastic and nightmares about gagging scammers and green rope.
bags of pebbles on the desk
i dont even know anymore
decipher me.
and let me know what you find.
i feel purple then green then blue then red.
i'm not addicted to you; you're just taking up all of my time.
lets be partners in crime.
what matters?
which side the coin lands on
the train timetable
the grey dots on the scan
the sixth book.
how will i get through?
dont you ever wish you could
be like a camera and zoom out on life?
i want to see things from a different perspective.
instead of having to make announcements to sound important.
because i know i'm not.
neither are you.
the only thing thats important is the look in their eyes
when they know we know that theyre fakers, just like we are.
here, we hide our emotions.
being honest? no way.
smile and pretend to be "happy" and you'll fly under the radar. thats what he said.
cry? people will just pat you on the shoulder and say "are you alright?"
well obviously im not al-fucking-right.
its strange thinking that you'll never never never know what's really going on in someone's brain.
but im undecided if i want to read people's minds or not
i mean, obviously theres benefits.
dont you like having a bit of...mystery though?
never seeing the entire picture.
never reading the end of that book.
lets put captions on photos of things we never did.
and spray mississippi on your bedroom wall.
i've become a real master at alienating people/you/you/you/them lately.
"hope you're good".
yeah, i bet they meant that.
"i hope you have the greatest day".
have you given up yet?