who knew it could hurt so much?

look! it's magic.
no,
they're just reflections.


cue: a sickening thud.

justice & revenge

it happened and then i forgot to cry.
it happened and then you wished for it.
it happened and then he finally realised.
it happened and then they saw.
it happened and then she smiled.
it happened and then the world exploded.
it happened and then we pretended we knew.
it happened and then it was over.
it happened and then it was the end.
it happened and then that was that.
it happened and that was it.

"talking to you is like walking on cut glass"

reality?
whatever.

guess

just don't ask why.
(i was only pretending, you know...)

somewhere along the way, you changed

i haven't worked whether or not i'm sorry i missed it.

if it is then I'm not

"and I know you'll always - "
I broke,
because it wasn't true.
I guess these are just silly words about you, anyway.

interested/not interested in keeping you sane

boys boys boys
girls girls girls
you you you
me me me
heart heart heart
life life life
break break break
tragedy tragedy tragedy
want want want
remember remember remember
always always always
pretend pretend pretend
crush crush crush
misery misery misery
surreal surreal surreal
end end end

reality bricks

MAYBE WE'RE ALL JUST FUCKED.
and there is nothing to be done about it now.

gloria (why do you always want what's out of your reach?)

at last, our bloodshot eyes can finally make out the rest of our lives year,
crumpled on the floor, on top of the dreams they never beLIEved in,
in between last year's heart and your "new" favourite cd.

they're only waiting for you to fall.
and she only ever wanted to get lost and make you smile.

it was a clever way of avoiding the question

"well, all the things i want now, i can't buy with money."
"hmm, how philosophical of you. what do you want?"
"i think you know."
"happiness?"

"is he happy?"

so there are others...
so there are others.
and i never would have guessed.
i suppose that's the way the world works though; no-one has any fucking idea.
(they just pretend to.)
we walk around eating blue and grey hearts and lying when people ask for the time, acting as if the fact that the world is going to end gives us the right to.
it's a shame you can't live in a bubble forever though;
that way maybe you'd have a chance at a happy ending for once.

p.s. maybe knowing isn't even the point.

don't ask me what the point is though; i wouldn't have a clue.

so happy i could die

wherever i end up, i'll try to make sure the answer isn't 'no'.

time, it passes.

and then one day, they just won't be able to anymore.
the last flight will be almost gone and they might make it, but -
someone once told me that love is like a flower; even the most beautiful kind dies.
i guess this is where these words ring truth, even in the deafest of ears.

no anger, no resentment, no jealousy, no bitterness.
just ...time.


"be your best friend, yeah, I'll love you forever... we're higher than ever."

key word: both (yes, that means you too)

let's be nothing;
apparently it lasts forever.

here's a thought: what if there's nothing more?

but i never understood the question

"there's no jumping ahead; there's only looking back."



it's the fear that you know.

the best days of our lives? yeah, sure.

"i wish i could just make people happy."
"i wish people didn't need me to be happy."

I mean that you like your feet firmly on the earth

"in the real world, the world does suck as it's unfair and friends disappoint you"

the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
the reality should be clearer.
yeah, i'll just keep telling myself that.

jesus, kid, slow down.

i think we should have saved the world.

it was never in trouble.

shall we destroy it then?

i postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.

i triumph over death by giving in.

I have but one question for you, why?

because hearing the dial tone means more than (your) words could ever say.

but that's the way it's got to be.

don't you wish we'd just get over ourselves?

sometimes it's in the stealing of broken books and hidden faces.
i thought you knew that.

"TAKE THAT BITCH!"

have we lost ourselves?




if i'm you then you're me.
if you're you, then we're all just fucked.

ps. that (probably) wasn't what you think it is.

did i tell you

today i do not love you.
wait till tomorrow and i may say i do.
but not today,
not today.

we are nothing if not scared.



sometimes, it is all we have.

today i discovered something

we're all the same.



it made me happy, sad, jealous and angry.


because if god created us, why didn't he make us all special ??
unless being special is being a part of something and that is having the ability to connect to others.
unless it doesn't matter because we're all gonna die anyway.
unless being different only matters to people who aren't different (which would suck, btw).
unless we're all the same because it's easier to hate ourselves if we hate others first.
unless we're all the same because loving ourselves will suffice if we never find anyone.
unless-



fuck you.
i don't care (at least, i'm trying not to).

you're a life ruiner and a friend and the reason I don't want to, all rolled in one fucking beautiful piece of perfection

we argue about god and "god" and God and heaven and hell and existence and sinning and believing.
we're becoming a mess of each other's sleeping voices and first kisses and broken doors.
we do our best to convince ourselves otherwise, but truly, it's difficult staying, and so easy to go.

i wish time would pass us by swiftly, to let us laugh for a while and not grow old.

save the energy drinks, crowded classrooms and fake pretenders until we're done with this life;
we're too busy being faces in the crowd to care right now.

and this is her confession:
she thinks you're trying too hard to be his friend.
i guess the message hasn't gotten through to her yet. 

so maybe it's not about knowing, or seeing, or even believing.
it's about the love.
it's about the "love".
it's about the love?
it's about the love.
just like life.
maybe.
"well, don't look at me; i have no idea."

"you're like a transformer"

after all these years,

forget about the troubled times?
(please?)

"I (don't) care"

and it's always this way

...yet it seems so much is said anyway, even without these words here in front of you.
the 'moment' came, and still, nothing.
and it felt like the only thing that mattered was just that - nothing mattered.
maybe it's because out of all people, you 'get' this,
or some things are better left to the ensuing silence found after the -


there was a hug, a red box and a fifth chance.






I'll let you believe that.

someone once told me,

LOVE IS THE ANSWER. LOVE IS THE PROBLEM. LOVE IS THE REASON. LOVE IS THE CAUSE. LOVE IS THE PAIN. LOVE IS THE WAY.

?

life in electric

if it didn't hurt to smile, it might actually feel like home.

drama queen!

"time has never ceased to pass by so slowly,
each day an hour,
each hour a second,
each second another half-bought chance to recreate poetry out of pain.
yet as the gods stir in the wakeless dance with their hearts,
those words are echoed once more: it's time to go to war."

by the way, that was a contradiction.
one hour + 36 minutes.

p.s. I wish you knew.

la maladie d'amour

the only thing missing would be history,
but, i mean, that's all in the past now, right?
(as in, "this does not matter anymore").

i'd rather make myself believe that the irony in "friends forever" is just make-believe, but honestly, i just wish i were somewhere else.
(i certainly hope so, she said).

I don't like you anymore.

sadness will always triumph.
sadness will always win.
even if you're not afraid of anything.

but, this is beside the point, really.

FUCK REALISATION

fuck realisation.
"let them believe what they want to believe," she said.
and he laughed.

by the way,
you're missing the point.
what you'll miss most,
you've already got.

so this must be what people mean when they talk about happiness

july 28.

you once told me that this doesn't mean anything, but it will soon.

i hope you realise how much i despise you for turning me into nothing.
and to think, this all started with the line:
AND THE WORLD BECOMES ANOTHER.
it's almost funny how much pain we're capable of feeling.

you once told me that everything has a purpose, even here.
do you still believe that?

"we can escape, as the dawn will come"

we're still waiting.

look out world, we're coming

when the hidden world threatens to turn into a puddle at your bruised feet, you have to resort to life through flipped coins and bad coffee.
time was always better wasted in cluttered rooms and silence anyway.

thank you for all of it;
the melted ice-creams, the indecisive corners of this universe, the ticking bomb heart (ps. it works), the permanent marker prose, the chance to hold the sound, the park benches and swapped chairs, the deleted libraries, the comedy, even the hunt for red plates, keys and the way back home.

thank you for sneaking out and not running away,
thank you for thirteen hours,
thank you for the journey, although you had to leave so soon.

I think for once I won't let hope ruin the day.
I think for once I won't let false hope ruin the day.
(nothing changes enough, but with friends like these, who needs enemies anyone else?)

ps. "friends don't let friends ...bicycle!"

"holier than thou"

I love the way you ask "where are you?" like I actually know the answer.

nearly, we're almost there.

I thought we'd always have forever the time to do the things we want to do.
then again,
I also thought you'd be there.
look how that turned out, right?


ps. they rang.
they hate you for turning this into a competition.
this is when the silence begins to hurt.

it didn't always have to end, but then we stopped knowing and it was as if the million answers to "do you think it's going to happen?" were narrowed down to just one - yes.

I'm sorry this



is







real.

so here's what you've always wanted to hear

okay.
here it is.
i give up.
i hereby officially give up.
i'm done.
you were right.
i was wrong.
i'll make sure to never doubt your judgement again.

(this sounds a little too familiar, don't you think?)

a little more room to breathe

"we thought we'd lost you.
welcome back."

you're so fucking pointless

she's watching you try to change your mind,
but you can't.
you can't you can't you can't you can't you can't YOU CAN'T.
the party's over now,
not that we were ever having much fun anyway.

here's to hope, to love, to glory, to happy endings tomorrows?

hey you,
please don't take my silence as apathy;
a lot of the times i don't know what to say,
without avoiding what's been said a million times before, words which carry no real meaning,
without offering false truths about 'the grand picture', which i don't even know much about.
if such words existed, which could erase sadness and broken grief and death, i would use them right here.
yet sometimes, words aren't enough.
i hope knowing who's there is though.
i hope.
that's all you can do sometimes, right?
i guess sometimes life just goes on, and we just have to go along with it,
even if it isn't the way it should be,
even if they weren't so great.
love from,
me.

"I have to show you where the future ended. I want us to be the people who choose the trip."

"this is the way the world ends,

not with a bang but a whimper."


- t.s. elliot

and it all comes back to this: you can't make people like you.

"it's not a line. there is no grand plan, or a man sitting the clouds telling you what to do. it's not about what you want, or even who you are. it's just life."

and it caused that which caused that which caused that which caused that and that and that and that and,
this;
even if the universe is the only thing keeping us together,
or the only thing pulling us apart.

70 - 80; "reasonable". I hope the word 'regret' doesn't come after this.

three cheers for apathy the future?
here's to happy endings and friends in secret spaces.
i'll let you know when i've figured it all out;
in the meantime, we'll just pretend we know where we're going.
(this must be what it feels like to be them.)

maybe, it's you and me

ps. don't tell anyone, but I'd pick you over them any day.

re-actions and actions

there are certain types of people in this world.

some will make plans and never follow through.
some will disappear before the smoke clears.
some will play favourites.
some will only tell you their secrets before the music stops playing.
some will wait.
some will wait until they're done with waiting.
some will call even when there's no reason.
some will show you how to smell the roses.
some will believe you when you say yes.
some will assume you'll always know.
some will wash the dishes for you.
some will brave the neon lights and traintracks.
some will try.
some will need it spelled out for them.
some will cry so that you don't have to.
some will hide.
some will try and make you forget they ever existed.
some will care.
some will work to make it work.
some will let go.
some will never let go.
some will hold you when you're bleeding.
some will be "friends".
some will make you think twice.
some will know your name.

and some,
some will make goodbyes alright because you know there will be another hello.
honestly, most people won't.
but i guess they don't matter much then.