i feel like i should be crying or something.
but i can't.
p.s. we're not ready.
30.5.10
29.5.10
this is the difference
you'd give anything to go back;
i'd give anything to skip to The End,
when the never failing, all-knowing, all-encompassing They will look down upon us from their pedestals, point their finger at us and give us the Final Judgement:
this is me,for now.
(sorry for not letting you know sooner.)
we're the in-between,
caught between craning our necks to see What Was:
maybe it's not.
if only i knew the answers, then i wouldn't be counting down.
maybe they just didn't feel like loving you.
(there was always a chance. there was always a possibility.)
i'd give anything to skip to The End,
when the never failing, all-knowing, all-encompassing They will look down upon us from their pedestals, point their finger at us and give us the Final Judgement:
you have made it,this is the now,
or,
you have failed.
this is me,
(sorry for not letting you know sooner.)
we're the in-between,
caught between craning our necks to see What Was:
secret spots,and looking ahead to What Could Be:
first concerts, and
red paper cranes and paper clip hearts.
superheroes,maybe the power's in our hands.
train rides to another time/another place, and
goodbyes (forever this time.)
maybe it's not.
if only i knew the answers, then i wouldn't be counting down.
maybe they just didn't feel like loving you.
(there was always a chance. there was always a possibility.)
27.5.10
the necessity of dying.
the future hovers like a spaceship on the surface of a planet.
it calls with happiness and an outstrecthed hand in the form of a hard-earned grade.
we have been warned by the best,
but we'll go on anyway.
(meet me halfway, Fate, i swear i'll pay you back in moments of my life i don't about as much)
it calls with happiness and an outstrecthed hand in the form of a hard-earned grade.
we have been warned by the best,
but we'll go on anyway.
(meet me halfway, Fate, i swear i'll pay you back in moments of my life i don't about as much)
26.5.10
24.5.10
and then what?
"i just have this weird idea that everything will fall into place if i get in."
"well, it will."
it's as if the worldwe I knew, or at least tried to know, is coming to an end and all i'm doing is watching.
this is a small fact: it is going to end.
this is also a small fact: you can't do anything to stop it.
and another one for good measure: i know you wouldn't want to anyway.
we're like spectators at the terminal, witnessing hellos and goodbyes and hellos and goodbyes, hearts reeking of the possibility of just that - possibility; to seek, to imagine, to fall. we could pack our own worlds up right now and see the rest of it through pretend coloured glasses, yet we find ourselves lostin translation at the exit sign, knowing where we want to be (most of the time), and how to get there, but lacking one thing: the knowledge belief that we can. (i'm still waiting).
you saw it coming, though; you always did, and that was the one thing that always killed me.
pretty soon the things we take for granted, what wedon't want to can't say goodbye to (MY WORLD and YOUR WORLD) will be called into question. the significant will become the trivial, the friends the faraway friends, the loved the forgotten.
they told me not to worry though, because the blame could be put on the washed up dreamed who never became more. just think, someday, it will all be over.
"i don't know."
"neither do i."
"well, it will."
it's as if the world
this is a small fact: it is going to end.
this is also a small fact: you can't do anything to stop it.
and another one for good measure: i know you wouldn't want to anyway.
we're like spectators at the terminal, witnessing hellos and goodbyes and hellos and goodbyes, hearts reeking of the possibility of just that - possibility; to seek, to imagine, to fall. we could pack our own worlds up right now and see the rest of it through pretend coloured glasses, yet we find ourselves lost
you saw it coming, though; you always did, and that was the one thing that always killed me.
pretty soon the things we take for granted, what we
they told me not to worry though, because the blame could be put on the washed up dreamed who never became more. just think, someday, it will all be over.
"i don't know."
"neither do i."
don't stop believing in what this is supposed to be.
one day we're going to get so high and never return.
one day we'll figure out this thing called "life."
one day we'll do what we always wanted to.
one day we'll forget how to lose people.
one day we'll be happy.
one day we'll believe.
one day we'll be living in a new world.
one day we won't have to say goodbye.
one day^ we'll* be forever.
*you and me.
^not right now.
p.s. did you read in between the lines?
one day we'll figure out this thing called "life."
one day we'll do what we always wanted to.
one day we'll forget how to lose people.
one day we'll be happy.
one day we'll be living in a new world.
one day we won't have to say goodbye.
one day^ we'll* be forever.
*you and me.
^not right now.
p.s. did you read in between the lines?
22.5.10
but not together
i want to die because i jumped, not because you pushed me.
i want to hear that i can be great, when, really, i'm not.
i want to conquer today without losing it tomorrow.
i want a break.
i want silence.
i just want out?
i want to hear that i can be great, when, really, i'm not.
i want to conquer today without losing it tomorrow.
i want a break.
i want silence.
i just want out?
19.5.10
next time?
cold hands and shaking hands and a hundred games and faking the smiles;
it doesn't mean as much when "cheering up" is needed, does it?
we're finally growing older,
you forgot to tell me so.
you tried to know me, but i guess i made that difficult.
the sun was shining.
not shining like it does in the morning,
but it was shining the way something shines when you know it's about to stop.
i guess you don't see the tragedy though.
i always did.
it doesn't mean as much when "cheering up" is needed, does it?
we're finally growing older,
you forgot to tell me so.
you tried to know me, but i guess i made that difficult.
the sun was shining.
not shining like it does in the morning,
but it was shining the way something shines when you know it's about to stop.
i guess you don't see the tragedy though.
i always did.
and this is all i know
this is the answer.
you probably don't want to hear this,
because it means the small facts will become the truth you won't accept,
and the "mere" illusions will take away from you the one thing you had left:
(fill in the gap here);
but i really can't go on letting you thinking otherwise.
this is the answer: you can't.
prelude: i didn't think you meant that much.
p.s. your changes have been saved.
p.p.s. i think i just forgot how to save you.
you probably don't want to hear this,
because it means the small facts will become the truth you won't accept,
and the "mere" illusions will take away from you the one thing you had left:
(fill in the gap here);
but i really can't go on letting you thinking otherwise.
this is the answer: you can't.
prelude: i didn't think you meant that much.
p.s. your changes have been saved.
p.p.s. i think i just forgot how to save you.
but i wish it wasn't so. (it is it is it is it is it is it fucking is though.)
save tonight,
fight the break of dawn;
come tomorrow,
tomorrow i'll be gone.
you don't mean a thing to me.
yeah, sure.
fight the break of dawn;
come tomorrow,
tomorrow i'll be gone.
you don't mean a thing to me.
yeah, sure.
17.5.10
you can put the blame on me
i wish i could save you from the world.
i'm sorry i can't, and
i'm sorry for the things that haven't occured yet.
for once, luck won't saveus me.
maybe in another life, right?
(when we're not in love with each other's memories and the laughter is real.)
you can put the blame on me.
i'm sorry i can't, and
i'm sorry for the things that haven't occured yet.
for once, luck won't save
maybe in another life, right?
(when we're not in love with each other's memories and the laughter is real.)
you can put the blame on me.
16.5.10
and so, reality defeated us
we weren't ready,
but they started without us.
won't they just let us start over?
(they won't. if they did, they'd have to face the facts.)
but they started without us.
won't they just let us start over?
(they won't. if they did, they'd have to face the facts.)
12.5.10
click. and the light turns off.
we live on broken rooftops and lost school books, eternally trying to see/seek/destroy "THE BIG PICTURE", but we can't we can't we can't we cannot. none of it will even matter once we figure out how to fall without losing touch of the trivial things in this so-called life. we are what you made us out to be, and everything else too. 'how does that work?', you ask. the answer was found months ago, hidden underneath train tracks and whispered hellos. but you've forgotten, haven't you? you have you have you have i haven't.
and it hurts, doesn't it? knowing you can't change this. knowing this will never be changed. because it has, and you aren't. if this is final, then we're fucked. if this is goodbye, then you're not ready. if this is the only way, then, well, you should have seen that coming.
this is the last, the first, the only.
me? i wouldn't miss it for the world.
and it hurts, doesn't it? knowing you can't change this. knowing this will never be changed. because it has, and you aren't. if this is final, then we're fucked. if this is goodbye, then you're not ready. if this is the only way, then, well, you should have seen that coming.
this is the last, the first, the only.
me? i wouldn't miss it for the world.
just take the walls down.
it's not much.
let's just pull it apart.
and then it's done,
and you don't have to remember.
actions always meant more than words anyway.
p.s. "there are too many rainbows in hell."
let's just pull it apart.
and then it's done,
and you don't have to remember.
actions always meant more than words anyway.
p.s. "there are too many rainbows in hell."
9.5.10
fast forward to pretend
we'll all be happy little souls,
with battery powered heart beats,
falling in love with the distance in between us.
with battery powered heart beats,
falling in love with the distance in between us.
7.5.10
all apologies
then again, maybe not.
yes.
no.
yes.
no.
yes.
no.
because i should be -
but it's easier if we didn't know.
so i pretend not to.
(but you know i do).
you know you're right;
you just don't understand why.
and it seems all that's left to do is
waste time and
hide behind fickle promises.
i'm sorry that it came down to:
you, and,
earlier.
if only we could sleep the days away
and not have to worry about numbers
and awkward moments in between bells and
unseen truths/"truths."
trying to get this message across seems almost
futile when all you're seeing is what
i'm
trying not
to.
i guess this means it's time to try,
yet again,
yet again,
yet again.
except this time, i'll try to smile.
"potential.
this means it
could
happen."
i'll let you know when i start believing.
yes.
no.
yes.
no.
yes.
no.
because i should be -
but it's easier if we didn't know.
so i pretend not to.
(but you know i do).
you know you're right;
you just don't understand why.
and it seems all that's left to do is
waste time and
hide behind fickle promises.
i'm sorry that it came down to:
you, and,
earlier.
if only we could sleep the days away
and not have to worry about numbers
and awkward moments in between bells and
unseen truths/"truths."
trying to get this message across seems almost
futile when all you're seeing is what
i'm
trying not
to.
i guess this means it's time to try,
yet again,
yet again,
yet again.
except this time, i'll try to smile.
"potential.
this means it
could
happen."
i'll let you know when i start believing.
it's funny how there wasn't much to say anyway
"'cause I built you a home in my heart, with rotten wood; it decayed from the start."
2.5.10
"the good thing about darkness is that everything looks the same"
and still, we get bored.
we know people, and then we're bored of them. (?)
we know people, and then we don't anymore.
we know people, and then we change.
we know people, and then we forget why.
we know people, and then we say goodbye.
somewhere along the way, over last summer, it seems;
two became two,
three became four,
one became none.
i still don't think i understand what happened, yet the new perspectives, and the ensuing guilt, seem to be more than i bargained for.
actually, no.
it's hard to say how when i don't know why (and nothing is as it seems), and who when i don't know what,
but now it's almost as if one tiny piece of the big picture is at last within reach.
maybe?
maybe.
it happens.
just don't make it
bigger than it already is, okay?
we know people, and then we're bored of them. (?)
we know people, and then we don't anymore.
we know people, and then we change.
we know people, and then we forget why.
we know people, and then we say goodbye.
somewhere along the way, over last summer, it seems;
two became two,
three became four,
one became none.
i still don't think i understand what happened, yet the new perspectives, and the ensuing guilt, seem to be more than i bargained for.
actually, no.
it's hard to say how when i don't know why (and nothing is as it seems), and who when i don't know what,
but now it's almost as if one tiny piece of the big picture is at last within reach.
maybe?
maybe.
it happens.
just don't make it
bigger than it already is, okay?
1.5.10
contradict yourself. it's easier that way.
it's rather strange, isn't it, the way people fall together and then apart and then together and then apart and then apart, until they finally realise that it is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)