27th march: double meaning day.

i like to think everything happens for a reason.

so i've made a list.
and it's kind of a big thing. and one day there'll be boxes and ticks and red lines and happiness.
familiarity makes me sad.
ups and down and highs and lows. fucking rollercoaster hurts like hell on your ribs, on your heart, on your soul.
i like to think i have a chance here to change the world.
but really i'm no more than a girl who thinks she's a hobbit who thinks she can save Middle Earth.
and maybe that's enough.
ha, what a joke this life is.
we masquerade around in masks when really we have real emotions that hurt and kill and make us c r y .
this day is dedicated to a.e. and a.n. and e.d. and r.s. and s.g.
it's dedicated to life not long enough and life not lived enough.
it's dedicated to taking a chance, risking it all, not colouring between the lines or playing it safe.
it's dedicated to love and life and friends and grandeur.
it's dedicated to anti-depressants and the anti-depressed.
it's dedicated to me and you and him and her and all the others out there too afraid to speak up, to shout out, to stand and scream and feel and hurt.
it's dedicated to friends, because they are golden.
it's dedicated to lovers, because they make you feel like you've never felt before.
you like to tell me i'm crazy, but really it's just cause i don't know what i'm talking about, whereas you seem to have a fucking clue as to what is going on in your life. what you want, how to get it, where you wanna end up.
me? i'm strolling through a park on a cool summer's day, or ice-skating on a frozen lake mid-winter. i'm picking up books i've wanted to read for a while from the local library. i'm holding hands with my boyfriend as we walk through sky-rise buildings. i'm drinking tea from a large cup. i'm wearing a goofy hat on a too-sunny day. i'm tieing my shoelaces in the middle of the sidewalk. i'm listening to a song on repeat. i'm watching my favourite movie with my favourite person on my favourite couch. i'm eating too much, going beyond satisfaction and into uncomfortability. i'm running around half-naked on a beach with that girl. i'm telling all my secrets to that boy. i'm waiting comfortably, patiently, calmly, at a bus stop. i'm meeting new people and falling in love with them. i'm forgetting others and moving on.
i'm loving life.
even when i'm hating it.
can you say the same?

giving up is just too fucking easy.

happiness: going once, going twice

306 out of 694.
not even half. but for no reason.
what a joke.
(you make things a bigger deal than they should be. it's all on you, pal.)

i hate hating myself.

drama queen.

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just change my world, please.

messy, life is

olive.

i love almost road trips.
i love singing in cars with friends.
i love being able to read a melways.
i love strangers who become friends who become people you love.
i love songs that make you laugh, songs the make you cry and songs that make you feel.
i love accidental friendships.
i love alcohol-induced bonding.
i love good weekends.
i love the smell of other people getting high.
i love the craziness of dancing close to people you know and people you don't know.
i love screaming at the top of my lungs.
i love hugs.
i love being able to love the simple things.
i love people sitting on my lap.
i love people loving me.
i love independence.
i love happiness.
i love lying on cars and looking at a sky with stars in it.
i love judging people.
i love forgiving people.
i love forgiving myself.
i love letting it all go and forgetting to think about what other people think.
i love flourishing.