i have a hard time being happy.
because of the possibilities.
and when i'm happy,
it's too happy.
ecstatic, contagious, raging, jumpy, nervous, butterflies, flying.
you make me question everything i do say think am are.
you make me question.
it's bed time now, though.
so i guess i'll see you tomorrow.
28.9.10
sentimentality
i'll be over by the balloon stand enjoying myself.
let me know when you're sick of wallowing, you self-righteous prick.
and stop crushing the hopes and dreams of those around you with your fucking selfishness.
i'd kick you in the shins, if only i could reach the plastic pedastool you put yourself on, telling yourself it's gold, telling yourself that you're better than the rest of us when really you're the dirt we walk on.
i hate you and your stupid attitude.
i hate you and your stupid words.
i hate you.
and everything about you.
do me a favour
and fail in life.
because i'd love to see you fall.
if only to see others walk all over you.
let me know when you're sick of wallowing, you self-righteous prick.
and stop crushing the hopes and dreams of those around you with your fucking selfishness.
i'd kick you in the shins, if only i could reach the plastic pedastool you put yourself on, telling yourself it's gold, telling yourself that you're better than the rest of us when really you're the dirt we walk on.
i hate you and your stupid attitude.
i hate you and your stupid words.
i hate you.
and everything about you.
do me a favour
and fail in life.
because i'd love to see you fall.
if only to see others walk all over you.
27.9.10
the nice ones finish last
so this is the would be angst-filled post, about you and you and them, but you know what?
i have decided not to bother ever again, because there isn't long to go and it's really not worth the effort of forced conversations in between eternal silences. you see, i once wanted to go back in time, with the details and the forgiving and the honesty, but i seem to have forgotten two things: you've changed, and so have i*. even if such was possible, it wouldn't work. it never does.
yesterday i tried for the last time and, well, i won't even bother to tell you what happened.
maybe one day the world will change into another and it will be okay. we'll swallow our pride and our envy and seek out the evidence that proves we were once something to be proud of. that we had something beyond infinity and feigned glory and make believe love.
one day.
time, it eats us from the inside and turns sadness into gold.
it leaves us begging for answers, for truth, for certainty.
i wish i knew how your mind worked.
pretty soon, life as we know it will end. it'll be like in the movies, when someone goes away for a long time and comes back and can't remember why.
and i'm not sure if i'll still know you, because right now i want to get as far away as possible and forget why.
thirteen months later, and nothing's changed.
thirteen months later, and it's apathy all around.
thirteen months later, and i'm done.
*this is a story for another day. we'll get to that later.
so much for the 'would be angst-filled post'. i guess i couldn't help myself.
i have decided not to bother ever again, because there isn't long to go and it's really not worth the effort of forced conversations in between eternal silences. you see, i once wanted to go back in time, with the details and the forgiving and the honesty, but i seem to have forgotten two things: you've changed, and so have i*. even if such was possible, it wouldn't work. it never does.
yesterday i tried for the last time and, well, i won't even bother to tell you what happened.
maybe one day the world will change into another and it will be okay. we'll swallow our pride and our envy and seek out the evidence that proves we were once something to be proud of. that we had something beyond infinity and feigned glory and make believe love.
one day.
time, it eats us from the inside and turns sadness into gold.
it leaves us begging for answers, for truth, for certainty.
i wish i knew how your mind worked.
pretty soon, life as we know it will end. it'll be like in the movies, when someone goes away for a long time and comes back and can't remember why.
and i'm not sure if i'll still know you, because right now i want to get as far away as possible and forget why.
thirteen months later, and nothing's changed.
thirteen months later, and it's apathy all around.
thirteen months later, and i'm done.
*this is a story for another day. we'll get to that later.
so much for the 'would be angst-filled post'. i guess i couldn't help myself.
26.9.10
malice intended.
life lesson #1: don't ever expect anything from anybody. and that includes yourself.
24.9.10
at least i'm not as sad (as i used to be)
"you will cry,
and i will cry,
because all the love's
alive tonight"
and i will cry,
because all the love's
alive tonight"
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