"i'm just so afraid of things falling apart"
i will look farther than this.
and i am so sorry that you can't.
31.5.09
30.5.09
I think I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that
maybe it'll stop me from self-destructing.
and i might be able to stop your heart from catching fire.
but i make no promises.
give me answers i need answers.
show me darkness i want darkness.
take away truth i dont want truth.
i forge emotions when i'm pretending to be numb.
it makes things go away,
and i can sleep one more night.
before the sun sets the wrong way
and i become jumbled up in your memories.
you've got cursive handwriting and it makes me want to cry.
i used to be an optimist, now i'm becoming anti-social.
i'd much rather watch people than be a part of the scene.
i am a secondary character in my own life.
and i didn't even cast the main role.
i must admit, i'm curious,
about what life would be like on the other side,
but whatever, it killed the cat,
i'd rather not imagine what it could do to me.
there's kisses on balloons and frightening clowns,
where i am.
there's cigarettes and talking horizons,
where you are.
the best part is trying to remember.
give me revolution i want revolution.
and i might be able to stop your heart from catching fire.
but i make no promises.
give me answers i need answers.
show me darkness i want darkness.
take away truth i dont want truth.
i forge emotions when i'm pretending to be numb.
it makes things go away,
and i can sleep one more night.
before the sun sets the wrong way
and i become jumbled up in your memories.
you've got cursive handwriting and it makes me want to cry.
i used to be an optimist, now i'm becoming anti-social.
i'd much rather watch people than be a part of the scene.
i am a secondary character in my own life.
and i didn't even cast the main role.
i must admit, i'm curious,
about what life would be like on the other side,
but whatever, it killed the cat,
i'd rather not imagine what it could do to me.
there's kisses on balloons and frightening clowns,
where i am.
there's cigarettes and talking horizons,
where you are.
the best part is trying to remember.
give me revolution i want revolution.
because everything is falling apart
why does it feel like you're ignoring me?
why does running seem like the best way out?
why do i hate so much?
why is this unwritten?
why are you still here?
why am i still trying?
why does running seem like the best way out?
why do i hate so much?
why is this unwritten?
why are you still here?
why am i still trying?
29.5.09
was she drunk?
because the things she was saying,
no-one would have said if they were sober.
we dont get things because we'd rather smash the puzzle pieces to bits
and throw them into the air and watch them fall,
wondering what we could have created.
i think i've been too busy with other people's thoughts,
that i've been sleeping through mine.
i hate you i hate you i hate you.
i hate you i hate you i hate you.
i wish i could hate you.
but instead ive memorised this off by heart,
i'm just waiting for a response.
i wish i could hate you.
have you ever been surrounded by people but still felt isolated?
it's how i'm feeling right now.
and you'd do anything just for a reply
some reassurance that someone's there
"i'd like some confirmation please"
its not store bought though.
i got it in a bucket instead.
cancel.
cancel.
click a button to return home
who are my friends anyway?
did you even fucking hear me?
or am i just that whining, annoying voice in your head that tells you to do bad things?
maybe i ask too many questions but no-one's giving me answers.
this isnt self expression
this is self deprivation.
it's the devils of angels past
i kind of want to go numb sometimes
just to see if i still can.
being numb is kinda weird;
if youre numb, but you're aware that you are numb, then you wouldnt be, because youre still feeling something.
who's on whose shoulder now??
im listening to this string piece on repeat
its a bit depressing.
but so are you.
i want to buy a missile and build an aeroplane.
i want to end this frustration now and just go back in time.
have you ever had one of those revelations,
where everything you think is just
negative
negative
negative
negative
negative.
i thought i saw bright lights
but they were just superheroes telling me to save myself.
these words sound better if you put other words before and after them.
i used to own the road because i was going everywhere
now i dont even feel lucky anymore.
clash
bang
pop.
i could have sworn you hadn't changed.
but even i can't stop time.
sometimes i wish i had the cure for cancer. then maybe they'd look at me differently.
what does life look like through the plasma screen?
wonderful, i bet.
completely unrealistic, but wonderful.
i want to run away and just sleep for days. and pretend you/it/they/this never happened.
but reality will just thrash violently against my door, until i give up and let it in.
the monster called Reality will kill my friend named Dream.
and i will cry.
and then Denial will come along and teach me how to Pretend.
and then you'll come along,
and bring someone named Dream again.
hear that at the door?
it's Reality.
lux means light.
the sun wasn't on time today.
i look, i laugh, i never look at it again.
feeling discarded
like a worn out rag doll
it's not a nice feeling.
walking behind a pair of people
and only catching glimpses of their conversation
its not a nice feeling.
realising that he did
it's not a nice feeling.
realising who she is
it's not a nice feeling.
realising youre capable of feeling such emotions
it's not a nice feeling.
my name isn't on the invitation
the coffee isn't for me
it smells like plastic and nightmares about gagging scammers and green rope.
bags of pebbles on the desk
i dont even know anymore
decipher me.
and let me know what you find.
i feel purple then green then blue then red.
i'm not addicted to you; you're just taking up all of my time.
lets be partners in crime.
what matters?
which side the coin lands on
the train timetable
the grey dots on the scan
the sixth book.
how will i get through?
dont you ever wish you could
be like a camera and zoom out on life?
i want to see things from a different perspective.
instead of having to make announcements to sound important.
because i know i'm not.
neither are you.
the only thing thats important is the look in their eyes
when they know we know that theyre fakers, just like we are.
here, we hide our emotions.
being honest? no way.
smile and pretend to be "happy" and you'll fly under the radar. thats what he said.
cry? people will just pat you on the shoulder and say "are you alright?"
well obviously im not al-fucking-right.
its strange thinking that you'll never never never know what's really going on in someone's brain.
but im undecided if i want to read people's minds or not
i mean, obviously theres benefits.
dont you like having a bit of...mystery though?
never seeing the entire picture.
never reading the end of that book.
lets put captions on photos of things we never did.
and spray mississippi on your bedroom wall.
i've become a real master at alienating people/you/you/you/them lately.
"hope you're good".
yeah, i bet they meant that.
"i hope you have the greatest day".
have you given up yet?
no-one would have said if they were sober.
we dont get things because we'd rather smash the puzzle pieces to bits
and throw them into the air and watch them fall,
wondering what we could have created.
i think i've been too busy with other people's thoughts,
that i've been sleeping through mine.
i hate you i hate you i hate you.
i hate you i hate you i hate you.
i wish i could hate you.
but instead ive memorised this off by heart,
i'm just waiting for a response.
i wish i could hate you.
have you ever been surrounded by people but still felt isolated?
it's how i'm feeling right now.
and you'd do anything just for a reply
some reassurance that someone's there
"i'd like some confirmation please"
its not store bought though.
i got it in a bucket instead.
cancel.
cancel.
click a button to return home
who are my friends anyway?
did you even fucking hear me?
or am i just that whining, annoying voice in your head that tells you to do bad things?
maybe i ask too many questions but no-one's giving me answers.
this isnt self expression
this is self deprivation.
it's the devils of angels past
i kind of want to go numb sometimes
just to see if i still can.
being numb is kinda weird;
if youre numb, but you're aware that you are numb, then you wouldnt be, because youre still feeling something.
who's on whose shoulder now??
im listening to this string piece on repeat
its a bit depressing.
but so are you.
i want to buy a missile and build an aeroplane.
i want to end this frustration now and just go back in time.
have you ever had one of those revelations,
where everything you think is just
negative
negative
negative
negative
negative.
i thought i saw bright lights
but they were just superheroes telling me to save myself.
these words sound better if you put other words before and after them.
i used to own the road because i was going everywhere
now i dont even feel lucky anymore.
clash
bang
pop.
i could have sworn you hadn't changed.
but even i can't stop time.
sometimes i wish i had the cure for cancer. then maybe they'd look at me differently.
what does life look like through the plasma screen?
wonderful, i bet.
completely unrealistic, but wonderful.
i want to run away and just sleep for days. and pretend you/it/they/this never happened.
but reality will just thrash violently against my door, until i give up and let it in.
the monster called Reality will kill my friend named Dream.
and i will cry.
and then Denial will come along and teach me how to Pretend.
and then you'll come along,
and bring someone named Dream again.
hear that at the door?
it's Reality.
lux means light.
the sun wasn't on time today.
i look, i laugh, i never look at it again.
feeling discarded
like a worn out rag doll
it's not a nice feeling.
walking behind a pair of people
and only catching glimpses of their conversation
its not a nice feeling.
realising that he did
it's not a nice feeling.
realising who she is
it's not a nice feeling.
realising youre capable of feeling such emotions
it's not a nice feeling.
my name isn't on the invitation
the coffee isn't for me
it smells like plastic and nightmares about gagging scammers and green rope.
bags of pebbles on the desk
i dont even know anymore
decipher me.
and let me know what you find.
i feel purple then green then blue then red.
i'm not addicted to you; you're just taking up all of my time.
lets be partners in crime.
what matters?
which side the coin lands on
the train timetable
the grey dots on the scan
the sixth book.
how will i get through?
dont you ever wish you could
be like a camera and zoom out on life?
i want to see things from a different perspective.
instead of having to make announcements to sound important.
because i know i'm not.
neither are you.
the only thing thats important is the look in their eyes
when they know we know that theyre fakers, just like we are.
here, we hide our emotions.
being honest? no way.
smile and pretend to be "happy" and you'll fly under the radar. thats what he said.
cry? people will just pat you on the shoulder and say "are you alright?"
well obviously im not al-fucking-right.
its strange thinking that you'll never never never know what's really going on in someone's brain.
but im undecided if i want to read people's minds or not
i mean, obviously theres benefits.
dont you like having a bit of...mystery though?
never seeing the entire picture.
never reading the end of that book.
lets put captions on photos of things we never did.
and spray mississippi on your bedroom wall.
i've become a real master at alienating people/you/you/you/them lately.
"hope you're good".
yeah, i bet they meant that.
"i hope you have the greatest day".
have you given up yet?
front row
(love heart)
you say love lasts forever
you say love lasts forever
thats because you told me forever exists,
god, it doesn't? you had me fooled.
well what are we in this life, but fools drunk on lies?
nothing. i guess. i think i convinced myself we were better than who we really are.
who are you pretending not to be?
i don't even know anymore.
god, it doesn't? you had me fooled.
well what are we in this life, but fools drunk on lies?
nothing. i guess. i think i convinced myself we were better than who we really are.
who are you pretending not to be?
i don't even know anymore.
so now you have a heartache
i had no room for anything
so i just hold onto everything
(look at me and like the clouds)
so i just hold onto everything
(look at me and like the clouds)
marry me one more time
there are two types of people in the world
those who are moving, and those who are standing still.
it's really easy to get caught up in watching the moving ones,
obsession/cure/possess-
that you
become
one
of
the still.
are you there?
those who are moving, and those who are standing still.
it's really easy to get caught up in watching the moving ones,
obsession/cure/possess-
that you
become
one
of
the still.
are you there?
falling in love with the fight
i'm not scared of you.
i'm just scared of me when you're there.
so i'm gonna take your life support away.
yeah, so sorry.
"drink my blood" and bring old love back
otherwise you're just saying stuff that i'll print on yellow ribbons and give to the world.
why would those words even be in the same sentence?
image
spontaneous
combust,
now.
i wish we could exist as one entity.
but these sentences complete each other,
otherwise we're full of could haves, maybes and would haves.
and the way they glued it together,
it's all dusty.
no wonder you have a secret.
i'm just scared of me when you're there.
so i'm gonna take your life support away.
yeah, so sorry.
"drink my blood" and bring old love back
otherwise you're just saying stuff that i'll print on yellow ribbons and give to the world.
why would those words even be in the same sentence?
image
spontaneous
combust,
now.
i wish we could exist as one entity.
but these sentences complete each other,
otherwise we're full of could haves, maybes and would haves.
and the way they glued it together,
it's all dusty.
no wonder you have a secret.
28.5.09
the fucking aftermath
i hate how you think you know everything.
i hate how you think you know everything about me.
i hate how you think you know everything about me.
its funny that the first thing i think of when you say happiness is drugs
do we need a backup plan?
paint a picture of my insanity.
i wonder what colour it is.
paint a picture of my insanity.
i wonder what colour it is.
I can't stay away long enough to stop myself from falling asleep
i feel displaced
find me.
surely you'll stay?
i take pictures of the mistakes i've made.
it makes me smile in my sleep, knowing you're still following me.
and I am falling
i can taste the darkness
and almost feel the strength of the shadows
but right before they burned the banknotes and jumped from the balcony,
i realised they were fakes and i opened the door to hell
(to let them through / to let you return / to see the fire)
in history,
it was overglorified,
it was said.
this is tension in disguise.
you haven't even lived.
why would he say pretty?
mix my words together and you might find the truth.
shuffle dance ignore ignite.
if you assume they're believers,
where does that leave me?
i think I AM GOING INSANE.
you defied society by succumbing to it.
I AM GOING INSANE.
i draw lovehearts in my spare time.
its the vaguest i can be without getting too specific.
I AM GOING INSANE.
i love you a gazillion times over.
and i would write it in red crayon on your wall any day.
find me.
surely you'll stay?
i take pictures of the mistakes i've made.
it makes me smile in my sleep, knowing you're still following me.
and I am falling
i can taste the darkness
and almost feel the strength of the shadows
but right before they burned the banknotes and jumped from the balcony,
i realised they were fakes and i opened the door to hell
(to let them through / to let you return / to see the fire)
in history,
it was overglorified,
it was said.
this is tension in disguise.
you haven't even lived.
why would he say pretty?
mix my words together and you might find the truth.
shuffle dance ignore ignite.
if you assume they're believers,
where does that leave me?
i think I AM GOING INSANE.
you defied society by succumbing to it.
I AM GOING INSANE.
i draw lovehearts in my spare time.
its the vaguest i can be without getting too specific.
I AM GOING INSANE.
i love you a gazillion times over.
and i would write it in red crayon on your wall any day.
26.5.09
delving into nothingness, my environment is uncertainty
it actually happened
what?
sorry, i stopped paying attention a while ago.
this is where you are supposed to be, you cant stay, but you dont have to go home
i wish i could blink my eyes and just do things i can't.
it's gonna be fine (sorry)
yes I lied. but
no-one likes the dark
i'm going to a place where the possible and the impossible meet
driving in opposite directions, i cant help wondering if you hadn't asked
what did she say
what did you say
if you had to do it again, would you do it differently
if we'd still be here, shuffling dreams and interfering in relationships with diamond earrings.
still looking for someone who can give you reasons.
why do you look good all the time?
my mind is sleeping in a coffin and i dont even breathe anymore.
its the way it seems, when theyre screaming "it's over" and you're hanging upside down feeling sad talking like im your enemy. and this isnt even a dream.
maroon bedsheets
digital alarm clocks
paintbrushes
whats the last thing on your mind when you go to bed each night?
i think there's an expiry date on this.
i think what i did wasnt right, but i bet you cant even name five.
something about it... she had to go.
because she could, and because then you'll love her.
through it all
"always"
she wanted you to live forever.
i missed all the action.
it's a shame that life doesn't come recorded
its either live or nothing.
no pause button.
dammit.
grease, tumble. youre a ninja.
i feel like im flying in between shades of grey
id rather not be defined.
its what im saying
i am being ironic and honest and funny all at the same time.
they talk about feeling music through their fingers
can you feel this life through your fucking veins?
connectionconnection fall apart already.
you're the one that needs the lights.
would you rather would you rather would you rather
what if what if what if what if what if what if what if
take it back,
please ?
what?
sorry, i stopped paying attention a while ago.
this is where you are supposed to be, you cant stay, but you dont have to go home
i wish i could blink my eyes and just do things i can't.
it's gonna be fine (sorry)
yes I lied. but
no-one likes the dark
i'm going to a place where the possible and the impossible meet
driving in opposite directions, i cant help wondering if you hadn't asked
what did she say
what did you say
if you had to do it again, would you do it differently
if we'd still be here, shuffling dreams and interfering in relationships with diamond earrings.
still looking for someone who can give you reasons.
why do you look good all the time?
my mind is sleeping in a coffin and i dont even breathe anymore.
its the way it seems, when theyre screaming "it's over" and you're hanging upside down feeling sad talking like im your enemy. and this isnt even a dream.
maroon bedsheets
digital alarm clocks
paintbrushes
whats the last thing on your mind when you go to bed each night?
i think there's an expiry date on this.
i think what i did wasnt right, but i bet you cant even name five.
something about it... she had to go.
because she could, and because then you'll love her.
through it all
"always"
she wanted you to live forever.
i missed all the action.
it's a shame that life doesn't come recorded
its either live or nothing.
no pause button.
dammit.
grease, tumble. youre a ninja.
i feel like im flying in between shades of grey
id rather not be defined.
its what im saying
i am being ironic and honest and funny all at the same time.
they talk about feeling music through their fingers
can you feel this life through your fucking veins?
connectionconnection fall apart already.
you're the one that needs the lights.
would you rather would you rather would you rather
what if what if what if what if what if what if what if
take it back,
please ?
words hurt like nothing can explain.
this is sorry.
this is it.
are you loving it ?
god, get the fuck over your god complex and jump on this train with me.
we're going r i g h t n o w
to far away
and beyond.
so come with me
come with
me
come
with
comewithme.
would you ?
you'll regret every second that you didn't.
this is it.
are you loving it ?
god, get the fuck over your god complex and jump on this train with me.
we're going r i g h t n o w
to far away
and beyond.
so come with me
come with
me
come
with
comewithme.
would you ?
you'll regret every second that you didn't.
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes y e s y e s y e s
please.
manners, she said.
manners, she said.
i'm concerned with corruption, making friends and the blood on your hands
i dont have to fucking impress you
she drunk herself into an asylum
and killed butterflies along the way,
just so you would look up from your tattered newspaper and microphone stand.
I, I just think you don't care
we've left things for you to discover (fall fall fall)
it was the only thing they ever did before they fell asleep.
you're always waiting for something, and
it just never ends. (cross cross cross)
finders arent keepers - theyre losers.
finders arent keepers - theyre weepers.
(63, mourning).
she drunk herself into an asylum
and killed butterflies along the way,
just so you would look up from your tattered newspaper and microphone stand.
I, I just think you don't care
we've left things for you to discover (fall fall fall)
it was the only thing they ever did before they fell asleep.
you're always waiting for something, and
it just never ends. (cross cross cross)
finders arent keepers - theyre losers.
finders arent keepers - theyre weepers.
(63, mourning).
25.5.09
why the stethoscope was invented
twelve buckets of peace signs later, I'm still seeing double and trying to swim in the water under the bridge. I'm wonder if second hand friends really exist, because today the tornado swept past my house and i wished for a way to reinvent myself and live in between the lines. i've always thought hands were for holding, not for taking, but now im putting a question mark next to it all. would you rather have everything you know be wrong, or have everything you wish were wrong be true?
youre stealing smiles and taking chances. we all want to live out a story, but i cheated and skipped to the end of the book. arrest me. "sedate me" are the only words i can make out over the siren and the squeal of the tires as the driver's feet find the brakes. only 56 hours to go "sedate me sedate me sedate me". im dreaming of an unspoken rebellion where we'll burn statues and make up inventions. in my book, im creating a hero and i will exist in the way i do, on broken hinges and too soon paperbacks.
i missed you when the sky turned red and my heart's still beating to a different time zone. when it's right, you just know. i have nothing against her, im just afraid of everyone else. wearing masquerade gowns and roaring like lions, we're bored of the overdramatics but i cant remember what i thought yesterday. isnt dead beyond repair? stickytape it together until we're all children again and i can read you a bedtime story filled with reasons not to be with you.
my reality is a dream and my dream is a dream. eyes giving way to the way the city burns when you're around. we are animals trying to be humans, but the occasional roar when the instinct adrenaline rush fever kicks in says it all.
im gonna go and wish you luck. see you soon? stop this motion, this motion, before your words become a beat in my head and im just a word you left behind. forgive me for when i dreamt you silly.
i am a lithium battery
moonshine and gills.
karaoke and hairspray.
save me when i dont need it most.
can you stand the feeling of jumping off a building?
highfive. you cant win 'em all. the coffee gets cold but i drink it anyway. kind of like the way im keeping this song safe.
body
broken
heart still
dancing
body
broken
heart still
jumping
body
broken
heart still
sleeping.
imagine this imagine that. too bad my imagination doesnt work anymore.
for you id steal the mona lisa.
for you id paint the sky yellow.
for you id open my eyes.
communication-
what the fuck is that.
the way her handwriting is so straight is really getting to me
im being petty
im being petty
im making bets on stained glass, but you've crushed my rose-coloured ones anyway.
i love when its easy
and run when its tough
i love when you remember my name
and run when you ignore me
i am a loser in a sharktank.
catch me in a net please.
captivity is a dish best served always.
i dont want to drive a car. i just want to go places and take away their light. so they can see what i see. maybe then theyd have something to complain about. eyes pierced salty eyes blissblissbliss. i dont want to drive a car. i just want to make the sky fall down, just so i can see what happens then.
do
you
need
a
magnifying
glass
?
dream, truth, salvation. why do we fight? im wondering if i should just- but you- and i- and everything- and it all- just-
he said "i think living will give you a black eye".
youre stealing smiles and taking chances. we all want to live out a story, but i cheated and skipped to the end of the book. arrest me. "sedate me" are the only words i can make out over the siren and the squeal of the tires as the driver's feet find the brakes. only 56 hours to go "sedate me sedate me sedate me". im dreaming of an unspoken rebellion where we'll burn statues and make up inventions. in my book, im creating a hero and i will exist in the way i do, on broken hinges and too soon paperbacks.
i missed you when the sky turned red and my heart's still beating to a different time zone. when it's right, you just know. i have nothing against her, im just afraid of everyone else. wearing masquerade gowns and roaring like lions, we're bored of the overdramatics but i cant remember what i thought yesterday. isnt dead beyond repair? stickytape it together until we're all children again and i can read you a bedtime story filled with reasons not to be with you.
my reality is a dream and my dream is a dream. eyes giving way to the way the city burns when you're around. we are animals trying to be humans, but the occasional roar when the instinct adrenaline rush fever kicks in says it all.
im gonna go and wish you luck. see you soon? stop this motion, this motion, before your words become a beat in my head and im just a word you left behind. forgive me for when i dreamt you silly.
i am a lithium battery
moonshine and gills.
karaoke and hairspray.
save me when i dont need it most.
can you stand the feeling of jumping off a building?
highfive. you cant win 'em all. the coffee gets cold but i drink it anyway. kind of like the way im keeping this song safe.
body
broken
heart still
dancing
body
broken
heart still
jumping
body
broken
heart still
sleeping.
imagine this imagine that. too bad my imagination doesnt work anymore.
for you id steal the mona lisa.
for you id paint the sky yellow.
for you id open my eyes.
communication-
what the fuck is that.
the way her handwriting is so straight is really getting to me
im being petty
im being petty
im making bets on stained glass, but you've crushed my rose-coloured ones anyway.
i love when its easy
and run when its tough
i love when you remember my name
and run when you ignore me
i am a loser in a sharktank.
catch me in a net please.
captivity is a dish best served always.
i dont want to drive a car. i just want to go places and take away their light. so they can see what i see. maybe then theyd have something to complain about. eyes pierced salty eyes blissblissbliss. i dont want to drive a car. i just want to make the sky fall down, just so i can see what happens then.
do
you
need
a
magnifying
glass
?
dream, truth, salvation. why do we fight? im wondering if i should just- but you- and i- and everything- and it all- just-
he said "i think living will give you a black eye".
24.5.09
I hope you're having a smashing time
i can see photographs, memoirs, diaries, home-made videos and it strikes me how hard people try to preserve their memories. so concerned with trying to make sure they have something to look back upon. it's like "my life is falling apart, but ive got the photo albums downstairs, so thats okay." in the event of a natural disaster, people often say theyd rescue things like that. i wouldnt. i mean, theyre just photos. photos of things that arent there anymore. if anything, that should make you feel more sad than happy. photos are something that were done in the moment. they dont capture the truth. they dont capture reality. they capture the surface. and that's all they do. looking back on some photos, i cant remember how i felt that day. all i get from the photo is what i was doing, what i was wearing, where i was, what i looked like, who i was with. superficial stuff.
perhaps its something to do with finding solace in the past. like, seeing how far youve come or something. but what if the person in the photos is the person you want to be? photos only work in conjunction with your memory. if you forget the important details, all you'll have is pictures of strangers on your coffee table. and seeing as your memory only exists by perception, what you've got is a strange tale of what really happened.
i find it funny how people display photos in their homes. its like a giant sign saying, this is what we used to be. i wouldnt want to parade something like that to the world. theres something scarily unrealistic, almost eery, about family portraits to me.
i wish there was a camera that could take a snapshot of your mind. a camera that would immortalise your thoughts, your dreams, everything you felt but were too afraid to. now that is something worth remembering.
have you figured it out yet?
perhaps its something to do with finding solace in the past. like, seeing how far youve come or something. but what if the person in the photos is the person you want to be? photos only work in conjunction with your memory. if you forget the important details, all you'll have is pictures of strangers on your coffee table. and seeing as your memory only exists by perception, what you've got is a strange tale of what really happened.
i find it funny how people display photos in their homes. its like a giant sign saying, this is what we used to be. i wouldnt want to parade something like that to the world. theres something scarily unrealistic, almost eery, about family portraits to me.
i wish there was a camera that could take a snapshot of your mind. a camera that would immortalise your thoughts, your dreams, everything you felt but were too afraid to. now that is something worth remembering.
have you figured it out yet?
I can't find the piece of me that's usually with you
reality is this thing that creeps behind you
it taps you on the shoulder and says
"who the hell are you?"
it taps you on the shoulder and says
"who the hell are you?"
23.5.09
is goodbye the hardest part?
or saying hello?
your life isn't non-fiction.
how i wish it was.
know me and drown me in madness.
i love irony.
your life isn't non-fiction.
how i wish it was.
know me and drown me in madness.
i love irony.
the glitter on your shoes and hair
"the world just got a little darker"
"when you opened your eyes?"
they called her a beauty queen, but she didn't even know how to read.
yet the lights never shone brighter than she did.
what are you doing to them?
she was begging for sympathy,
pleading for a reason,
crying for an escape,
and faking a life.
so the banner was plastered across the stage as the music killed the awkward silences
and she kept thinking -
NEON LIGHTS NEON LIGHTS NEON LIGHTS
RED BALLOONS RED BALLOONS RED BALLOONS
HIGH HEELS HIGH HEELS HIGHER HEELS
RIPPED STREAMERS PARTY CRASHERS CAR CRASHES
SPILLED COCKTAIL DRINKS RIPPED COCKTAIL DRESSES
MISSED KISSES FINDING PEOPLE MISSING MAPS
if you look really closely,
beyond the illusion of the fog,
and every lie you've told / hear / painted
you'll see these words tattooed on her back:
life is but a dream.
if you cant see them,
get your feet out of that alleyway,
if you can,
rescue her.
"when you opened your eyes?"
they called her a beauty queen, but she didn't even know how to read.
yet the lights never shone brighter than she did.
what are you doing to them?
she was begging for sympathy,
pleading for a reason,
crying for an escape,
and faking a life.
so the banner was plastered across the stage as the music killed the awkward silences
and she kept thinking -
NEON LIGHTS NEON LIGHTS NEON LIGHTS
RED BALLOONS RED BALLOONS RED BALLOONS
HIGH HEELS HIGH HEELS HIGHER HEELS
RIPPED STREAMERS PARTY CRASHERS CAR CRASHES
SPILLED COCKTAIL DRINKS RIPPED COCKTAIL DRESSES
MISSED KISSES FINDING PEOPLE MISSING MAPS
if you look really closely,
beyond the illusion of the fog,
and every lie you've told / hear / painted
you'll see these words tattooed on her back:
life is but a dream.
if you cant see them,
get your feet out of that alleyway,
if you can,
rescue her.
god, we were just made for each other, weren't we ?
"i'm looking in my pocket."
"what for ?"
"your heart."
"what for ?"
"your heart."
22.5.09
the world is turning
are you still afraid that this is really happening?
I am stuck in reverse.
i just realised how strange the concept of 'falling' is. i mean, you're losing the fight against gravity...
conspicuous/inconspicuous
i can't tell the difference anymore.
they don't know you're talking to them,
and it's a really morbid conversation.
to you.
they don't know you're talking to them,
and it's a really morbid conversation.
to you.
for the sake of you
you are everything different.
i can't walk away first.
pick up your bag and walk away,
so i can forget all about it before we're on the corner of the street again.
I would never call anyone forever except you.
there's not a word for it,
but I know it exists.
before everything,
before everything,
there was just forms of freedom in different places.
"it was the greatest gift", apparently.
that's what she said at least.
why would I go, when I've already found it?
i can't walk away first.
pick up your bag and walk away,
so i can forget all about it before we're on the corner of the street again.
I would never call anyone forever except you.
there's not a word for it,
but I know it exists.
before everything,
before everything,
there was just forms of freedom in different places.
"it was the greatest gift", apparently.
that's what she said at least.
why would I go, when I've already found it?
it's you or my sanity - what should I pick?
the distance between us is like infinity without friends.
i can't believe you just put a (metaphorical) gun to my head.
is it better where you are?
they just wanted a picture of him being himself,
all they got was a book with missing words.
they weren't bawling their eyes out,
just crying.
from self doubt and jesus bashing bands.
and from missing the yard in the van.
"what is that? ...that sound I can hear."
"it's the epitome of you."
i can't believe you just put a (metaphorical) gun to my head.
is it better where you are?
they just wanted a picture of him being himself,
all they got was a book with missing words.
they weren't bawling their eyes out,
just crying.
from self doubt and jesus bashing bands.
and from missing the yard in the van.
"what is that? ...that sound I can hear."
"it's the epitome of you."
"I promise you"
(another three words I'll never hear again)
all the plans were cancelled the day you swore you wouldn't
but you did anyway
bitch.
so now I'm here getting distracted by the view and crossing off words in red
(and listening to the piano)
where is this continuous future ? is it any better? or maybe she is just shaking her head for nothing. I just want to know things without looking into the crystal ball. "just leave it" they're all telling me. "you can't predict the future." obviously they've never had a nightmare. obviously.
all the plans were cancelled the day you swore you wouldn't
but you did anyway
bitch.
so now I'm here getting distracted by the view and crossing off words in red
(and listening to the piano)
where is this continuous future ? is it any better? or maybe she is just shaking her head for nothing. I just want to know things without looking into the crystal ball. "just leave it" they're all telling me. "you can't predict the future." obviously they've never had a nightmare. obviously.
20.5.09
recognising shadows and misunderstood french lines
he's going to take your place in line if you don't tell them that you are a superhero soon.
i dont believe you right now
maybe i don't want to though.
so he's floating in the water
arms out
it's kinda like redemption.
but not
cos he was wasted.
have you ever listened?
the sign says STOP, and I wonder if they mean it metaphorically or not.
do you get it?
we've been going on this road too long
home = lost.
lost = life.
life = the journey of trying to find your home.
have you ever thought someone was perfect before?
i haven't.
i had a dream where you were the sun and i was a monster.
i picked you up in my hand and you whispered, "even if you want to destroy the earth, i'll light the way for you."
we came last in the race.
life is a race.
some have cheats.
others use designer drugs.
us?
we just guess and lose marks along the way.
teen blues. or something.
tell me about it.
where is the delete button again?
zeiss.
you dream of boys in rock bands with pretty lyrics;
i just dream of seeing you dream.
have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
i dont believe you right now
maybe i don't want to though.
so he's floating in the water
arms out
it's kinda like redemption.
but not
cos he was wasted.
have you ever listened?
the sign says STOP, and I wonder if they mean it metaphorically or not.
do you get it?
we've been going on this road too long
home = lost.
lost = life.
life = the journey of trying to find your home.
have you ever thought someone was perfect before?
i haven't.
i had a dream where you were the sun and i was a monster.
i picked you up in my hand and you whispered, "even if you want to destroy the earth, i'll light the way for you."
we came last in the race.
life is a race.
some have cheats.
others use designer drugs.
us?
we just guess and lose marks along the way.
teen blues. or something.
tell me about it.
where is the delete button again?
zeiss.
you dream of boys in rock bands with pretty lyrics;
i just dream of seeing you dream.
have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
you tell me things were simpler when i didn't exist and it hurts that you say it with a smile on your face.
i've never listened this closely before.
tell me, is the disappointing always this loud ?
tell me, is the disappointing always this loud ?
sometimes i wish you would die just so people would ask if i'm okay
i can't fathom being someone.
what's it like to be somebody else ?
please, explain it all to me with diagrams and arrows.
i'll say thankyou in christmas cards and goodbye in breakfasts on the go.
what's it like to be somebody else ?
please, explain it all to me with diagrams and arrows.
i'll say thankyou in christmas cards and goodbye in breakfasts on the go.
have you ever been to the emergency room?
it's like being on the verge of death.
being surrounded by sick people,
it's a bit uncomfortable.
some are lonely
and they have stares which
can turn the lights out.
relapse.
on red posterboard.
stop pretending to be getting ready for flight or fight
i know you're just a coward,
with an accidental crush.
you taketaketake.
i crycrycry.
being surrounded by sick people,
it's a bit uncomfortable.
some are lonely
and they have stares which
can turn the lights out.
relapse.
on red posterboard.
stop pretending to be getting ready for flight or fight
i know you're just a coward,
with an accidental crush.
you taketaketake.
i crycrycry.
divine + human + question mark
in one major fight, they all died.
you can't go back from something like that
what an ending.
you were accidentally awesome,
even though we were standing far apart.
there's a lot that's unspoken,
more that should be left unsaid,
and everything that should be a secret.
these words are a beautiful distraction.
you can't go back from something like that
what an ending.
you were accidentally awesome,
even though we were standing far apart.
there's a lot that's unspoken,
more that should be left unsaid,
and everything that should be a secret.
these words are a beautiful distraction.
calling and making plans of things to write
have you ever felt pissed at the entire human race ?
yeah I guess it's a bit harsh,
but like, when someone points out something about someone else
that you never saw before
and then every little thing about them starts to annoy you.
yeah I guess it's a bit harsh,
but like, when someone points out something about someone else
that you never saw before
and then every little thing about them starts to annoy you.
19.5.09
looking through the gaps
it's funny how you don't think about certain things until you doubt that they were ever there.
do you believe in me believing in you?
i just want something that feels familiar.
i just want someone who makes sense.
don't you hate it when you're writing,
and you cross a word out,
but then realise it was meant to be there all along?
it's a bit like life, really.
i just want someone who makes sense.
don't you hate it when you're writing,
and you cross a word out,
but then realise it was meant to be there all along?
it's a bit like life, really.
i wish i had stayed home today
she knocked on my door and woke me up.
and i said thank you.
you are the annoying beep in my head
the one that just won't. shut. up.
and now that we've got a short amount of... life left,
i've realised that
it's not you that makes you;
it's everybody else.
we sing in similarities
and smirk in differences.
because we are human.
because we are stupid.
we make friends in fabricated silence
and mime together as we wear red scarves
(even if there's no point)
but theyre not friends
just people you share space with.
your life looks perfect from the outside.
keyword: outside.
keyword: your.
keyword: perfect.
if the world were a bubble
i would pop it.
are you going to look back
and ask me
if i read the other side?
you tell me everything about your life
but i dont tell you everything aboutmine.
and that makes me sad.
they have a thing.
snap out of it, they're all telling me.
i keep jumping from one thought to another.
twisted.
snapped.
frayed.
i dont like flattery very much
it makes me feel uncomfortable
peering through the gaps and Im wondering
by broken, do you mean
broken
?
will you please understand?
but i know you won't.
people would expect so much more
if we could fly.
and just think,
i was one of them.
should we cross the road now?
it's all that we know.
it wont
but it does
so we go.
they should just go away.
it matters now, so
why wouldn't it matter in thirty years?
bookmark where we left off
your indecisiveness is killing me.
i saw you running but you didn't say hi.
you didn't stop.
you just kept going.
story of my life.
i'll catch you if i can.
one by one.
and i said thank you.
you are the annoying beep in my head
the one that just won't. shut. up.
and now that we've got a short amount of... life left,
i've realised that
it's not you that makes you;
it's everybody else.
we sing in similarities
and smirk in differences.
because we are human.
because we are stupid.
we make friends in fabricated silence
and mime together as we wear red scarves
(even if there's no point)
but theyre not friends
just people you share space with.
your life looks perfect from the outside.
keyword: outside.
keyword: your.
keyword: perfect.
if the world were a bubble
i would pop it.
are you going to look back
and ask me
if i read the other side?
you tell me everything about your life
but i dont tell you everything aboutmine.
and that makes me sad.
they have a thing.
snap out of it, they're all telling me.
i keep jumping from one thought to another.
twisted.
snapped.
frayed.
i dont like flattery very much
it makes me feel uncomfortable
peering through the gaps and Im wondering
by broken, do you mean
broken
?
will you please understand?
but i know you won't.
people would expect so much more
if we could fly.
and just think,
i was one of them.
should we cross the road now?
it's all that we know.
it wont
but it does
so we go.
they should just go away.
it matters now, so
why wouldn't it matter in thirty years?
bookmark where we left off
your indecisiveness is killing me.
i saw you running but you didn't say hi.
you didn't stop.
you just kept going.
story of my life.
i'll catch you if i can.
one by one.
zero, zero, zero
they didn't know what to do, so they just ran.
they didn't care where they were going-
as long as their feet were moving across this tainted earth,
and their minds are counting out loud (because they're not sure of themselves)
the seconds they missed
the hearts they couldnt fix
the songs they never played
the words they swallowed
and so on.
what they dont know
will probably hurt them in the end
but theyre just living in the now
grabbing every moment
to
run
far
far
far
far
far
away.
and never return.
unless you ask me to.
they didn't care where they were going-
as long as their feet were moving across this tainted earth,
and their minds are counting out loud (because they're not sure of themselves)
the seconds they missed
the hearts they couldnt fix
the songs they never played
the words they swallowed
and so on.
what they dont know
will probably hurt them in the end
but theyre just living in the now
grabbing every moment
to
run
far
far
far
far
far
away.
and never return.
unless you ask me to.
18.5.09
your name comes up without me even realising it
sometimes i dont want to see the big picture
i'd rather hallucinate right now.
we've got default friends* in train stations
with signs asking WHERE WERE YOU?
that's the exact thing i'm wondering
where were you?
they're imprinting hearts on their hands
but you've got bigger problems.
for better, for worse,
it works either way.
this is a misinterpretation.
in a perfect world you would be able to check your answers in a book.
this is a misinterpretation.
plastics can be moulded.
this is a misinterpretation.
*default friends used to read "full word friends"
i'd rather hallucinate right now.
we've got default friends* in train stations
with signs asking WHERE WERE YOU?
that's the exact thing i'm wondering
where were you?
they're imprinting hearts on their hands
but you've got bigger problems.
for better, for worse,
it works either way.
this is a misinterpretation.
in a perfect world you would be able to check your answers in a book.
this is a misinterpretation.
plastics can be moulded.
this is a misinterpretation.
*default friends used to read "full word friends"
you completely fucked up the word 'best friend'
lets make references to things other people won't understand
because i hate questions i cant answer
instead i mumble a response. words are too hard these days.
because i hate questions i cant answer
instead i mumble a response. words are too hard these days.
have you stopped caring yet?
they're not running because they've got somewhere to go
they're running because they're fucking terrified.
you messed up my heart and caused the sky to unfold,
and then you stopped talking to me.
their memories have been compromised,
and now it reeks of broken hearts and dusty fingerprints.
i learnt something yesterday: people are never there when you need them.
it's a love that can't be,
yet im still hinting about who im daydreaming about.
it's not a secret admirer; it's complicated..
you're sometimes sorry, sometimes there, and always tired.
i guess this is what you get when you mix swear words with counting.
how do you tell someone youre falling in love?
in shades of sadness?
it's been a long time coming.
just drop it.
i know deep down you've still got a heart.
they're running because they're fucking terrified.
you messed up my heart and caused the sky to unfold,
and then you stopped talking to me.
their memories have been compromised,
and now it reeks of broken hearts and dusty fingerprints.
i learnt something yesterday: people are never there when you need them.
it's a love that can't be,
yet im still hinting about who im daydreaming about.
it's not a secret admirer; it's complicated..
you're sometimes sorry, sometimes there, and always tired.
i guess this is what you get when you mix swear words with counting.
how do you tell someone youre falling in love?
in shades of sadness?
it's been a long time coming.
just drop it.
i know deep down you've still got a heart.
17.5.09
that acoustic guitar in the background is the door to my heart
don't go looking for it.
i'm saving it for someone i don't know yet.
i'm saving it for someone i don't know yet.
your voice is blurry because i'm too drunk to concentrate
the music hurts because it's too fucking loud.
can't you see with those pretty pretty eyes of yours that none of this is working ?
i don't want your address.
i don't want to see where you live.
i can't stand the thought of you having a life outside of me.
this hurts.
hurtshurtshurts.
and i will never tell you why.
eat that food off of that plate, honey, like your mother told you to.
and please
tell me
what
the
kcuf
you mean when you say you don't love me anymore.
because i know every single inch of your mind
and
let me tell you
there isn't a millimetre that doesn't love me.
i want you to know that it hurts me too.
that music.
it started out as a lullaby and it turned into a fucking NOISE in my head,
reminding me of every single time i said i hated you.
don't save this shit.
god, don't save these memories.
the tempo changes and so does my pulse.
it deserves to just stop
but
of course
the world doesn't work that way.
wake me up when the plane comes in,
cause i'm sick of waiting in this long fucking line to nowhere.
it goes on
f
o
r
e
v
e
r
like your tongue in my mouth.
can't you scream every time i kiss you ?
can't you forget who you are ?
because when you even look at me, my breath catches and my mind stumbles and i can't remember what i was without you.
you changed my life.
you wrecked my life.
whichever way you look at it,
we're still stuck here in this abyss of whatever waiting to make decisions when we can't even fathom what the consequences could be.
i paid you in coins because i wasn't rich enough.
god,
i
paid
you
in
fingerprints.
i hope you fall over
and hit your head
and get amnesia.
because your entire life is just a whole lot of nothing i know you fucking ache to forget.
you think you can save me from myself ?
try saving me from you.
can't you see with those pretty pretty eyes of yours that none of this is working ?
i don't want your address.
i don't want to see where you live.
i can't stand the thought of you having a life outside of me.
this hurts.
hurtshurtshurts.
and i will never tell you why.
eat that food off of that plate, honey, like your mother told you to.
and please
tell me
what
the
kcuf
you mean when you say you don't love me anymore.
because i know every single inch of your mind
and
let me tell you
there isn't a millimetre that doesn't love me.
i want you to know that it hurts me too.
that music.
it started out as a lullaby and it turned into a fucking NOISE in my head,
reminding me of every single time i said i hated you.
don't save this shit.
god, don't save these memories.
the tempo changes and so does my pulse.
it deserves to just stop
but
of course
the world doesn't work that way.
wake me up when the plane comes in,
cause i'm sick of waiting in this long fucking line to nowhere.
it goes on
f
o
r
e
v
e
r
like your tongue in my mouth.
can't you scream every time i kiss you ?
can't you forget who you are ?
because when you even look at me, my breath catches and my mind stumbles and i can't remember what i was without you.
you changed my life.
you wrecked my life.
whichever way you look at it,
we're still stuck here in this abyss of whatever waiting to make decisions when we can't even fathom what the consequences could be.
i paid you in coins because i wasn't rich enough.
god,
i
paid
you
in
fingerprints.
i hope you fall over
and hit your head
and get amnesia.
because your entire life is just a whole lot of nothing i know you fucking ache to forget.
you think you can save me from myself ?
try saving me from you.
i know, but maybe i don't care
sorry, i just choked.
sometimes people get to me.
they're nasty.
they distract me from peace.
if i were a bigger part of your life,
we could have conversations without the telephone
and know exactly when to say goodbye.
yet im left constantly wondering
if you'll ever
let me in.
we are in between / maybe friends.
this is what happens when you hide your feelings.
you miss people by hours
and you think thoughts that have been thought to death.
there is nothing else.
what's your name again?
sometimes people get to me.
they're nasty.
they distract me from peace.
if i were a bigger part of your life,
we could have conversations without the telephone
and know exactly when to say goodbye.
yet im left constantly wondering
if you'll ever
let me in.
we are in between / maybe friends.
this is what happens when you hide your feelings.
you miss people by hours
and you think thoughts that have been thought to death.
there is nothing else.
what's your name again?
incomplete, and so forth, etc.
i wish we could be friends forever.
and i would give you my ice cream if yours started to melt.
and i would give you my ice cream if yours started to melt.
you're like a force of self-destruction
you love chaos, don't you?
you fly around all day, wishing you could work the world backwards, trying not to get too close to anyone.. well good luck bombing me with your eyes rolling around on the floor. at least, that's what she said. and your enemies, they run with bells on their fingers and toes in places they shouldnt be buying shoes, so we'll always know when they're coming. it ended for us ... and yeah, you did bitch.
chasingchasingchasing;
yet the aftermath still looks good.
you fly around all day, wishing you could work the world backwards, trying not to get too close to anyone.. well good luck bombing me with your eyes rolling around on the floor. at least, that's what she said. and your enemies, they run with bells on their fingers and toes in places they shouldnt be buying shoes, so we'll always know when they're coming. it ended for us ... and yeah, you did bitch.
chasingchasingchasing;
yet the aftermath still looks good.
and our lives are coming undone
and one day it'll just come down.
and the words in the quotation marks wont mean shit anymore.
and i'm still looking for a place to go.
and the words in the quotation marks wont mean shit anymore.
and i'm still looking for a place to go.
she sounds like she's gonna cry and I don't know what to do
fights close up always look better than fights from far away.
intensity
sweat
trauma
fight
fight
fight
fight
fight
until your fists give out.
intensity
sweat
trauma
fight
fight
fight
fight
fight
until your fists give out.
16.5.09
watch
the man with the sad face who was daydreaming
its not a substitute for love, you know.
and then he says "that one's open"
he's talking about the yellow gate,
and how jokes are just truths disguised,
and just suppose we actually listened.
but instead
we're too busy preparing for the unexpected,
and the monsters behind brick doors.
for you it'll be free..
its like stealing from a tragedy.
its not a substitute for love, you know.
and then he says "that one's open"
he's talking about the yellow gate,
and how jokes are just truths disguised,
and just suppose we actually listened.
but instead
we're too busy preparing for the unexpected,
and the monsters behind brick doors.
for you it'll be free..
its like stealing from a tragedy.
14.5.09
tell me again, and again, that "she loves guns and likes to shoot people"
because last year is far away now
and i can barely remember what you used to sound like.
it's not goodbye,
just not seeing each other for a little while.
i promise,
one day we'll go to places
and do things that rhyme.
and i can barely remember what you used to sound like.
it's not goodbye,
just not seeing each other for a little while.
i promise,
one day we'll go to places
and do things that rhyme.
as if it's gonna end for the sake of the bell
there was a man who waited at doors
red doors
blue doors
orange doors
just for someone to say hello.
but he never cried,
he just smiled.
red doors
blue doors
orange doors
just for someone to say hello.
but he never cried,
he just smiled.
you were mean, he was an angel
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
but dont trip over that mattress with the black school shoe on it.
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
just close your eyes and run away
but dont trip over that mattress with the black school shoe on it.
your heart's on the ground;
it's being trampled on by spiders because you didn't want to take it.
but id never step away from your kisses.
we are the generation without war.
we are in the back of our minds,
not on benches in distant locations where naked trees bend and we whisper to strangers to come in..
lets delay this tragedy and -
she's gone now,
gone off to sit on the moon with skeletons and hunters.
maybe im the one torturing you,
or it could be the girl screaming go back to mars, bitch.
its gnarly.
very gnarly.
but id never step away from your kisses.
we are the generation without war.
we are in the back of our minds,
not on benches in distant locations where naked trees bend and we whisper to strangers to come in..
lets delay this tragedy and -
she's gone now,
gone off to sit on the moon with skeletons and hunters.
maybe im the one torturing you,
or it could be the girl screaming go back to mars, bitch.
its gnarly.
very gnarly.
so here's the first bottom line
do you like stories? he asked us.
and then he showed us a thirty second ad we'd get sick of in eight seconds.
but he said
you've got to understand
you've got to understand
his answer
because that's the point i'm trying to make.
c o m p a s s i o n a t e f a t i g u e ;
definitions of the envied
and of those sitting on the carpeted floor.
submissive and creative.
this is a close up in colour of the paper on the breakfast table that you've seen since you were twelve years old. remember, whats not there is just as important as what is there. and i guess no-one walks into a room with a fistful of diamonds, unless youre an actor playing a rockstar. dont try to diminish the truth because i can read your mind. he gives you history, you give him your loose change.
"dare to dream, kid."
and then he showed us a thirty second ad we'd get sick of in eight seconds.
but he said
you've got to understand
you've got to understand
his answer
because that's the point i'm trying to make.
c o m p a s s i o n a t e f a t i g u e ;
definitions of the envied
and of those sitting on the carpeted floor.
submissive and creative.
this is a close up in colour of the paper on the breakfast table that you've seen since you were twelve years old. remember, whats not there is just as important as what is there. and i guess no-one walks into a room with a fistful of diamonds, unless youre an actor playing a rockstar. dont try to diminish the truth because i can read your mind. he gives you history, you give him your loose change.
"dare to dream, kid."
you are the lemon sherbet
and most of the time we're timeless.
is there such thing as forever?
because i'd paint infinity for you.
and it would never fade.
though history may try and
build barricades
and time may
choke upon our impressionable
hearts
i'd paint infinity for you
and it will last forever and more.
is there such thing as forever?
because i'd paint infinity for you.
and it would never fade.
though history may try and
build barricades
and time may
choke upon our impressionable
hearts
i'd paint infinity for you
and it will last forever and more.
13.5.09
A: "teach me how to live"; B: (turns away)
then he stands outside, hearing her scream, even when he's just as much a part of it as she is. people watching the screen turn away. they wince. they look down. they want to forget what they saw. i guess no-one told them ignorance won't get you anywhere. and they'll burn the sun on my birthday and say "we're not trying to go anywhere except here so just shut up". it's bigger than you and me and me and you put together. it's a test of 'to be' and a trembling oath too. now they're screaming "just kiss her" and we're supposed to be seeing the heroine in a different light because the meaning has changed. but i never saw the documentary on "the making of meaning" so I'm counting on tomorrow to help me remember your postcode and your name. i swear it wasn't my imagination. you smiled and then you frowned. and she didn't see you. and i'll cut these pieces of unwanted moments up and throw them into the galaxy. you can't watch them go because it'll hurthurthurt too much. i'm starting to think that you're the opposite of what i know best. you're a partyy. just because you've got the love bug scribbled on your hand and we can't get outside doesn't mean we can judge a book by its blurb. that's like judging a person by what they say. pointless and pointless. can you hear the pages rustling? that's the sound of history being stopped. pretty soon the only thing you'll have is the blisters on the feet from the places you haven't been because you forgot how to hold on. do you ever wonder when we'll know? "what, for mercy?" i feel like going on a road trip so I can lie between empty spaces and act hysterical. we can be everywhere and nowhere and everywhere in between. we are the unattainable. we cannot calculate the "horrendous cost of humanity" because we'd be here fucking forever. we've wasted so many footprints wasting time wasting heartbeats. how do you suppose that happened? A meets B. A likes B. A can't tell if B likes A also. A thinks B is acting strange. B seems distant. A's probably just being paranoid. A's probably in denial. But A can't tell. So A and B just keep going in space and time and no-one knows what's going to happen next. we'll know pretty soon though, after all, who can resist telling the whole world everything? i love how people are connected even if it means more people to lose. why do you run when you can just be still and watch everyone else run? you cant watch me go though. just wait with abandoned breath until you can give her home and stop hating the word maybe. maybe it's love in comparison, maybe its just teenage hormones. whatever whatever whatever. "it's now", it's now, it's just not. why can't you just get over yourself? im not sorry so i wont say i am. everyone thought that theyd ride into the skies together, but well honey, life doesnt always play out the way you pictured. its a basic condition of existence: humans are unhappy. we'll have moments when we feel like we've stumbled onto something greater, but the next morning we'll feel incomplete and be yearning for more once again. life isn't how we commonly define things, it's how we perceive things. which life am i talking about? obviously this one, but probably for now i'll just lie here and think about some things, until i can go to the video store again. by the way, "that's spinning, dear."
so I was a listening to a sad song with lyrics I couldn't understand
and i realised that
you won't always have the person
but you'll always have the memory.
thing is, memories are alterable
and subjective
so, just try to remember the right things.
please.
you won't always have the person
but you'll always have the memory.
thing is, memories are alterable
and subjective
so, just try to remember the right things.
please.
"scraping together in existence"
rows apart, yet hearing the same thing.
lines jotted down on paper... it means more than you'll ever know.
lines jotted down on paper... it means more than you'll ever know.
12.5.09
romantic splatters
literal translations,
by hate,
by revolution,
like everybody else.
stop asking people what they did in prison.
i'm craving closed doors, wanting more,
and right-hand speakers.
lions in cages in my nightmares
along with the kiss that never happened.
be moved
be moved
be moved.
too many lines,
i cant hear the screaming now.
I AM ARRIVED. or something like that.
by hate,
by revolution,
like everybody else.
stop asking people what they did in prison.
i'm craving closed doors, wanting more,
and right-hand speakers.
lions in cages in my nightmares
along with the kiss that never happened.
be moved
be moved
be moved.
too many lines,
i cant hear the screaming now.
I AM ARRIVED. or something like that.
she couldn't take happiness
"i dont get how people just lose things"
"what do you mean?"
"like, how can you just lose something so easily?"
"maybe they dont realise theyve lost it"
"what, so thats the point of losing?"
"that you dont know it's lost in the first place? i guess."
"what do you mean?"
"like, how can you just lose something so easily?"
"maybe they dont realise theyve lost it"
"what, so thats the point of losing?"
"that you dont know it's lost in the first place? i guess."
"we are all artists"
but most days i'd just rather chuck the world at you,
and then the world just comes back.
and then the world just comes back.
in between reality
and whatever.
we have conversations that start with "you make it sad" and end with lines which end up on hands which end up on paper on messy desks, trying to figure it all out.
we have conversations that start with "you make it sad" and end with lines which end up on hands which end up on paper on messy desks, trying to figure it all out.
she climbs in windows with hair to her knees. he holds lollipops with invisible hands. we're all just inanimate players in this game of chess.
forgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgotten
that is all you are.
that is all you are.
i wonder what holds up the sky
could you please do me a favour and paint me a picture of what we used to be?
and I'll show you what isolation feels like.
destroy the skyline
and graffiti down the hill.
you're a winner!
and I'll show you what isolation feels like.
destroy the skyline
and graffiti down the hill.
you're a winner!
11.5.09
you make my heart beat faster than i ever thought it could
stay by my side forever please.
hold my hand while the eclispe happens.
hold my hand while the eclispe happens.
the parts we're meant to take extra care of aren't highlighted
"what's it like?"/"fucked if i know."/"what?"/"what what?"/"i don't get it."/"exactly."/"what?"/"that's the fucked part?"/(end)
let's all just pretend we know what we're doing
i hate thinking these thoughts
i hate shouting at you
i hate feeling this
i hate schedules
i hate reliving memories
i hate the fucking expectations
i hate the breakfast i can't eat
i hate the sun
i hate the son
i hate cats that disappear
i hate people who cry
i hate forward slashes
i hate this
i hate
i hate
i hate
i hate you and me
i hate shouting at you
i hate feeling this
i hate schedules
i hate reliving memories
i hate the fucking expectations
i hate the breakfast i can't eat
i hate the sun
i hate the son
i hate cats that disappear
i hate people who cry
i hate forward slashes
i hate this
i hate
i hate
i hate
i hate you and me
10.5.09
"the most important people on earth"
i hate seeing people who have been friends since forever fall apart. its like, in a world of chaos... of broken waves and torn photographs and shit- theyre normalcy. something regular that you assume should always be there. its as if theyre the only thing that stays the same in life, something upon which everything else is built. so if that gets destroyed, what does it mean for the rest of us?
i hope you guys are alright.
i hope you guys are alright.
clearly, keeping in touch is not my specialty
the thing with him is
he acts like he doesn't think anyone's gonna miss him
and then he's talking about deserts on crumbled spoons.
i dont know what to think anymore.
and the thing is, you'll never see these words.
that thought terrifies me.
he acts like he doesn't think anyone's gonna miss him
and then he's talking about deserts on crumbled spoons.
i dont know what to think anymore.
and the thing is, you'll never see these words.
that thought terrifies me.
YOU'RE ALWAYS THE PROBLEM, you're also the reason and the you are the cure
people are so suicidal
that's why they fall in love.
that's why they fall in love.
truth/dare
it's like drawing without looking at the paper,
driving but really paying attention to where you're going
looking at people but wishing your eyes were squeezed shut,
... etc.
"it's not horrible; it's just the truth."
driving but really paying attention to where you're going
looking at people but wishing your eyes were squeezed shut,
... etc.
"it's not horrible; it's just the truth."
i shouldn't have let you let me let you let me go
we're spilling empty glasses
and paused in this moment of beautiful suspended awkwardness,
like we're about to fall, and start crying,
yet ...some unknown thought/word/look/touch holds us back,
and we make it through another day.
sweatsweatsweat, and swear without me.
let's listen to this clink clank pitter patter of our hearts dropping to the floor,
it'll be fucking epic.
if you can't make it, just let me know.
we'll clean up the messes later.
and paused in this moment of beautiful suspended awkwardness,
like we're about to fall, and start crying,
yet ...some unknown thought/word/look/touch holds us back,
and we make it through another day.
sweatsweatsweat, and swear without me.
let's listen to this clink clank pitter patter of our hearts dropping to the floor,
it'll be fucking epic.
if you can't make it, just let me know.
we'll clean up the messes later.
matter, time, the universe
if this has existed since infinite time,
why doesn't it make sense yet?
we talk about the day of revelation and the day of resurrection
but really, we're just specks of being,
who occasionally bump into each other,
and then drift apart again,
wondering what just happened.
if you wake up one day and miss me,
just listen to that song,
and i promise it'll make you smile.
why doesn't it make sense yet?
we talk about the day of revelation and the day of resurrection
but really, we're just specks of being,
who occasionally bump into each other,
and then drift apart again,
wondering what just happened.
if you wake up one day and miss me,
just listen to that song,
and i promise it'll make you smile.
don't smash my life up into little pieces and leave them on my windowsill -
i would just patch it up,
and then smash it again.
and then smash it again.
8.5.09
call the police if you'd like. lull yourself into a false sense of security my heart will brake.
i am so sick of sitting in the back row. but the height i seem to be is too tall to sit in the front. i like painted red shoes with grass shoelaces and when the whole world is wearing them you'll thank me. i'm pretty sure i want something more than whatever this is, cause let me to you,
this kinda sucks.
i see through lenses and hear through ears. i walk on two feet, hop on one and sing on my knees. if you ask me something, i can tell you the answer to the question beneath the question. one day i'll ask you to hit me, because i'll have never been in a fight. i cry in sad movies and laugh in funny ones. if i'm embarrasing, i'm not sorry in the least. music has to be loud enough on ipods for other people to listen along with you. words should be in bold. homework should be forgotten. i think one day i'll fall off a swing and brake a bone, but till then i'm safe and whole in my sheeted bed.
this is a kiss goodnight, by the way.
blown to you from across the park.
remember that i said it first,
i meant it all first.
this kinda sucks.
i see through lenses and hear through ears. i walk on two feet, hop on one and sing on my knees. if you ask me something, i can tell you the answer to the question beneath the question. one day i'll ask you to hit me, because i'll have never been in a fight. i cry in sad movies and laugh in funny ones. if i'm embarrasing, i'm not sorry in the least. music has to be loud enough on ipods for other people to listen along with you. words should be in bold. homework should be forgotten. i think one day i'll fall off a swing and brake a bone, but till then i'm safe and whole in my sheeted bed.
this is a kiss goodnight, by the way.
blown to you from across the park.
remember that i said it first,
i meant it all first.
7.5.09
think (of) me silly
there is no definition for colour.
i'm going to borrow a cliche from you and say
i've never felt like this before.
SHARING THE IMPACT.
it's what we do.
i'm going to borrow a cliche from you and say
i've never felt like this before.
SHARING THE IMPACT.
it's what we do.
convenience trumps idealism
im glad you asked
it was like you were becoming a part of my everyday life...
and i wasn't sure if i wanted that
after all, you were once just an original thought.
"WHAT IS THE WORD IN GREEN TRYING TO TELL YOU?
ARE YOU BEING MANIPULATED?"
what is it that he has on you, anyway
proving people wrong- are you up for it?
(mule.)
it was like you were becoming a part of my everyday life...
and i wasn't sure if i wanted that
after all, you were once just an original thought.
"WHAT IS THE WORD IN GREEN TRYING TO TELL YOU?
ARE YOU BEING MANIPULATED?"
what is it that he has on you, anyway
proving people wrong- are you up for it?
(mule.)
years from now
when my head is aching with thoughts heavy and underlined
and my hands aren't mine anymore
i will call you on the phone that doesn't exist
and talk to you with words that don't exist
and tell you that i love you.
because those three words won't exist.
you'll tell me something resembling the truth and we'll both wonder at how it all come to be like this.
because the truth won't exist.
with these thoughts we will lie
with these thoughts we will try to make it all better.
but that life
where it's all better
won't exist.
and we will be left,
with nothing.
and my hands aren't mine anymore
i will call you on the phone that doesn't exist
and talk to you with words that don't exist
and tell you that i love you.
because those three words won't exist.
you'll tell me something resembling the truth and we'll both wonder at how it all come to be like this.
because the truth won't exist.
with these thoughts we will lie
with these thoughts we will try to make it all better.
but that life
where it's all better
won't exist.
and we will be left,
with nothing.
i want swings and clean pigeons and dark and mysterious and friends forever and life on mars
i want it to be simple.
black, white and shades of grey.
maybe some red, too.
"you make me feel bad that i don't feel better"
black, white and shades of grey.
maybe some red, too.
"you make me feel bad that i don't feel better"
6.5.09
yes we are
if life were one of those crystal balls
in those cheesy family christmas movies
with the snowflakes
and the eiffel tower
i'd shake it around
until i ended up....
what i was gonna say is a bit too soppy.
so i'll end this here,
but i do sense that silence, unspoken agreement,
like you know what im talking about
yet the words somehow just havent formed
so we're left in riddles of quiet catches.
we can't complete this silence
because that would mean blowing out the candles.
and even though i normally like the darkness
a bit of light's alright for now.
in those cheesy family christmas movies
with the snowflakes
and the eiffel tower
i'd shake it around
until i ended up....
what i was gonna say is a bit too soppy.
so i'll end this here,
but i do sense that silence, unspoken agreement,
like you know what im talking about
yet the words somehow just havent formed
so we're left in riddles of quiet catches.
we can't complete this silence
because that would mean blowing out the candles.
and even though i normally like the darkness
a bit of light's alright for now.
burning cities with my flashlight and bare hands
must i remind you
that we are magnetic...
dont be a tell-tale now
(she's something like a slut when it comes to secrets)
hush.
hush.
hush.
that we are magnetic...
dont be a tell-tale now
(she's something like a slut when it comes to secrets)
hush.
hush.
hush.
5.5.09
in wonderland
they're begging me for a ticket into the afterlife
so i just tell them
"shut your eyes.
and
that's it."
so i just tell them
"shut your eyes.
and
that's it."
paralysed (!)
fixing your lipstick in the mirror,
it's no wonder we're so far behind.
hey now,
we've got infinity in our pockets
and you know,
just dont lose your heart and you'll be fine.
(criss cross) makes a cross.
x.
are you a pretender?
it's no wonder we're so far behind.
hey now,
we've got infinity in our pockets
and you know,
just dont lose your heart and you'll be fine.
(criss cross) makes a cross.
x.
are you a pretender?
gone
write me a story that ends with you comma me.
and stop wasting time
dreaming
in
spaces
from
memories
of
breaths
you
couldnt
grasp.
its kind of pathetic.
and stop wasting time
dreaming
in
spaces
from
memories
of
breaths
you
couldnt
grasp.
its kind of pathetic.
4.5.09
lying about writing in tea breaks
i was going to throw these words out
but i might wanna look back at them one day
the banner read "WE ARE TIMELESS". they said it came from a movie. we were acting compulsive because could see the clock ticking. but then we saw this banner, and something changed. we cant pin it down to a particular place or time, but something inside of us, starting from that day, it just wasn't the same. our eyes spoke in a different tongue now. "WE ARE EPIC". reassure me of this. please.
"so this is what he looks like," she said to me.
"yeah, that's him," i reply, my eyes scanning the top of album covers.
her next words were predictable.
"this is all you'll ever need." her head was tilted to one side.
reluctant agreement.
hesitant.
hesitant.
heads buried in dense silence.
"he took pictures of flowers"
"yeah, he did"
"no. theres always next year"
theres never next year.
"who knows if the sun's gonna come up tomorrow?"
"why do you always do this? turn everything into fuck it all cos we could die right now?"
"well, what do you wanna do? wait till it's too late and spend the rest of your life rotting away in your damn regrets?"
"i dont know why I even bother with you"
"why are you still here then?"
i guess lipstick and slogan tees won't save you now, bitch.
and now we're running with shopping cards and talking to the moon as the shades of the sky are streaking through our rushed hair. we're like the lonely trees in those postcards people buy to remind others that they're far, far, far away.
looking for the right words to say-
thing is, we'll probably never find them.
but i might wanna look back at them one day
the banner read "WE ARE TIMELESS". they said it came from a movie. we were acting compulsive because could see the clock ticking. but then we saw this banner, and something changed. we cant pin it down to a particular place or time, but something inside of us, starting from that day, it just wasn't the same. our eyes spoke in a different tongue now. "WE ARE EPIC". reassure me of this. please.
"so this is what he looks like," she said to me.
"yeah, that's him," i reply, my eyes scanning the top of album covers.
her next words were predictable.
"this is all you'll ever need." her head was tilted to one side.
reluctant agreement.
hesitant.
hesitant.
heads buried in dense silence.
"he took pictures of flowers"
"yeah, he did"
"no. theres always next year"
theres never next year.
"who knows if the sun's gonna come up tomorrow?"
"why do you always do this? turn everything into fuck it all cos we could die right now?"
"well, what do you wanna do? wait till it's too late and spend the rest of your life rotting away in your damn regrets?"
"i dont know why I even bother with you"
"why are you still here then?"
i guess lipstick and slogan tees won't save you now, bitch.
and now we're running with shopping cards and talking to the moon as the shades of the sky are streaking through our rushed hair. we're like the lonely trees in those postcards people buy to remind others that they're far, far, far away.
looking for the right words to say-
thing is, we'll probably never find them.
this life isn't for rent, it's for sale
you can buy it while i carve these conversations out at the back of sleazy motels.
i don't think we'll ever realise that the people wer're jealous of are just ugly versions of ourselves.
they look like digital clocks
so blatant
so brutal,
like-
1:19
and that's it.
no argument.
you always have to have the last word and it's driving me insane.
i don't think we'll ever realise that the people wer're jealous of are just ugly versions of ourselves.
they look like digital clocks
so blatant
so brutal,
like-
1:19
and that's it.
no argument.
you always have to have the last word and it's driving me insane.
3.5.09
i don't want to just be your back-up
so the guilt's setting in,
but i still can't concentrate cos i'm just thinking of you and her and me and you and him and her and her and me and you and me and... everything else that's going to happen next month.
i can't wait,
honestly.
but i still can't concentrate cos i'm just thinking of you and her and me and you and him and her and her and me and you and me and... everything else that's going to happen next month.
i can't wait,
honestly.
fettucini carbonara, garlic bread and one dollar bottles of mount franklin
sometimes i tell lies because the truth hurts.
sometimes i tell lies because the truth hurts me.
sometimes i tell lies to fuck people over.
sometimes i tell lies to fuck people up.
sometimes i lie.
sometimes i tell lies because the truth hurts me.
sometimes i tell lies to fuck people over.
sometimes i tell lies to fuck people up.
sometimes i lie.
are you the voice in my head
that's telling me to live a little, and forget just a bit more?
to go further, so I can fall a bit harder?
i think you are
but just stop whispering in my ear so often
the words are so hard to put back together
when theyve been smashed around like that
you remind me of a d-d-d-digital
d-d-d-disco,
whatever the heck that is.
to go further, so I can fall a bit harder?
i think you are
but just stop whispering in my ear so often
the words are so hard to put back together
when theyve been smashed around like that
you remind me of a d-d-d-digital
d-d-d-disco,
whatever the heck that is.
(buds)
doing favours for people you dont really like that much
hating them,
and they call and tell you they're grateful
and they say the magic word, sorry.
i've got the money, if you're got the wits
yeah?
i guess tonight was pretty fun. it was new, that's for sure.
i love the parking lot at night time.
and recognising strangers in band t-shirts.
it's a strange, strange world, this one.
hating them,
and they call and tell you they're grateful
and they say the magic word, sorry.
i've got the money, if you're got the wits
yeah?
i guess tonight was pretty fun. it was new, that's for sure.
i love the parking lot at night time.
and recognising strangers in band t-shirts.
it's a strange, strange world, this one.
hey
what if
we're not really for all of this
what if
the lines scrawled on purple post-it notes
are just scripts from trashy day time television
so i think i'll just spend the rest of my days
thanking you for the ticket,
which got me first in line to watch you scream in your fucking nightmares,
static images of you,
jaw opened wide, like you didn't see this one coming.
as if.
and I came to ask you,
cant you just believe?
but i guess that makes me a hypocrite.
where are you going now ?
we're not really for all of this
what if
the lines scrawled on purple post-it notes
are just scripts from trashy day time television
so i think i'll just spend the rest of my days
thanking you for the ticket,
which got me first in line to watch you scream in your fucking nightmares,
static images of you,
jaw opened wide, like you didn't see this one coming.
as if.
and I came to ask you,
cant you just believe?
but i guess that makes me a hypocrite.
where are you going now ?
and the vampire falls for the slayer
leaving them wanting for things they can't have,
things they will never have.
things they will never have.
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