31.3.09
things I already know I'll miss about this year:
1. fucked up sleeping patterns...
2. failing and not caring that much actually
3. little kids in big uniforms, because soon they'll be all grown up.
4. "what if I never see your face again". that walk down that corridor
5. "I owe you revolution"
6. that... general sense that nothing really matters. everyones talking like next year's the be all the end-all of everything, which has got me thinking. i hope over ten years of schooling doesnt come down to just a number on a digital screen. so in a way this year's kinda the last chance to get high on life and just roll...
7. being able to put things off and say 'next year, definitely'. this is the worst part of it all.
2. failing and not caring that much actually
3. little kids in big uniforms, because soon they'll be all grown up.
4. "what if I never see your face again". that walk down that corridor
5. "I owe you revolution"
6. that... general sense that nothing really matters. everyones talking like next year's the be all the end-all of everything, which has got me thinking. i hope over ten years of schooling doesnt come down to just a number on a digital screen. so in a way this year's kinda the last chance to get high on life and just roll...
7. being able to put things off and say 'next year, definitely'. this is the worst part of it all.
28.3.09
80
"how far are you? can you still turn back?"
"i can't even see who you are anymore."
and so we drank wine and danced to disco music as the stars had fistfights in the dark and people forgot to take their plastic bags home.
"i can't even see who you are anymore."
and so we drank wine and danced to disco music as the stars had fistfights in the dark and people forgot to take their plastic bags home.
27.3.09
well, what's the point?
so tell me what the point is,
if after watching the credits,
and seeing the hot air balloons in the sky float away from here,
you still want to.
do you ever wish you could go back in time?
and just... stand outside, in a bubble, and watch your city run, run, run...
where the future seemed like a distant beacon across an unforgiving sea
back to when you hadnt lost anything yet
would you be afraid if I told you you were alone?
would you be afraid if I told you that we're gonna be on different sides of the planet one day?
and I might not even know you.
i just wanna know where you're going
i feel like i'm living in a foreign world, where they dont speak the same language as me
so,
this is it, i guess.
"don't worry. i always liked you the best"
i dont know if we're ready to say goodbye yet,
but it seems like this soap opera we've got for a life is gonna start anyway
i couldnt think of a title
so i wrote you this instead.
and all they seem to care about is this:
"stop worrying, just get on with this life."
i'll see you in the afterlife. it's supposed to be like magic there.
it's all
plagiarism
anyway.
if after watching the credits,
and seeing the hot air balloons in the sky float away from here,
you still want to.
do you ever wish you could go back in time?
and just... stand outside, in a bubble, and watch your city run, run, run...
where the future seemed like a distant beacon across an unforgiving sea
back to when you hadnt lost anything yet
would you be afraid if I told you you were alone?
would you be afraid if I told you that we're gonna be on different sides of the planet one day?
and I might not even know you.
i just wanna know where you're going
i feel like i'm living in a foreign world, where they dont speak the same language as me
so,
this is it, i guess.
"don't worry. i always liked you the best"
i dont know if we're ready to say goodbye yet,
but it seems like this soap opera we've got for a life is gonna start anyway
i couldnt think of a title
so i wrote you this instead.
and all they seem to care about is this:
"stop worrying, just get on with this life."
i'll see you in the afterlife. it's supposed to be like magic there.
it's all
plagiarism
anyway.
black.
I'll always remember you as the one who could read maps and show people the way, but as the one who always stayed in the same spot. The one I shared my favourite songs with because you just understood. The one I could sit with in silence for hours and feel like... I was at home. The one who read my palm and told me "be cautious of handsome boys and strangers in yellow taxis". The one who made life seem okay..
and now I'm grieving.
and now I'm grieving.
26.3.09
i don't believe that you believe in god
so stop beating yourself up over it.
one day we'll hold hands and swing round and round in circles so fast we'll levitate. we'll spin so fast we won't notice the world coming to pieces beneath us.
when we do, we'll think briefly of saving it all.
but really, what's to save ?
you told me once what it's like to be happy.
but i've been searching my entire life and i'm telling you,
happiness doesn't exist.
unless it's like a warm gun in your hand.
she'll be legal in 43 minutes and i don't know if it's going to change anything.
i'll tell her, "luck"
and she'll whisper back in a hoarse voice of boys and girls i couldn't even dream of.
see, those injections
(tie stab push feel)
they're going to ruin your life.
so don't write me notes saying i've fucked up everything about you that hurts
it will go on forever.
this thing,
this life.
one day we'll hold hands and swing round and round in circles so fast we'll levitate. we'll spin so fast we won't notice the world coming to pieces beneath us.
when we do, we'll think briefly of saving it all.
but really, what's to save ?
you told me once what it's like to be happy.
but i've been searching my entire life and i'm telling you,
happiness doesn't exist.
unless it's like a warm gun in your hand.
she'll be legal in 43 minutes and i don't know if it's going to change anything.
i'll tell her, "luck"
and she'll whisper back in a hoarse voice of boys and girls i couldn't even dream of.
see, those injections
(tie stab push feel)
they're going to ruin your life.
so don't write me notes saying i've fucked up everything about you that hurts
it will go on forever.
this thing,
this life.
25.3.09
27 minutes ago I said I was pessimistic, and I still am.
where does it start?
where does it finish?
when will it start?
when will it finish?
i really can't stand the fact that you're out there, getting things done, while I'm just ...waiting for something bigger to happen.
i can hear the world grumbling; it wants to tell me something, but im too busy copying out quotes to listen.
this is really too repetitive. time to start a new paragraph.
where does it finish?
when will it start?
when will it finish?
i really can't stand the fact that you're out there, getting things done, while I'm just ...waiting for something bigger to happen.
i can hear the world grumbling; it wants to tell me something, but im too busy copying out quotes to listen.
this is really too repetitive. time to start a new paragraph.
"how was it?" "fucked up"
"giving up is the ultimate tragedy" robert j. donovan once said. but maybe it isn't. maybe... life is the equivalent of giving up. like, it's just one stupid, fucked up journey with endless chances for us to make mistakes and get hurt. sometimes i just wanna lie on the footpath and watch people go by. theres some kind of justice in doing that.
crap crap crap crap.
my specialty seems to be failing.
and wasting time.
let everything pile up and well, you'll just explode from the stress. i know things should get done, but,
I dont think
I dont think
I dont think
do I even care?
these days i'm kinda cynical. i give up before i even start. everything just seems enormous and impossible. life itself seems so daunting and most days i just wanna reflect on the past so the future seems like it's not gonna come. i feel like people have changed this year somehow, but they've probably always been like that. maybe i've changed. i suppose the worst of situations brings out the worst in people, but i can't help wishing that i'll wake up one day and everything will be like last year again. birthdays go by, reports are written, songs are shared... the days just keep on falling on top of us and the sad thing is, even if i could freeze a moment, i wouldnt know what to do with it anyway. its pretty miserable. everytime theres laughter or something remotely cheerful, i can't help thinking that this will all be a memory one day; it just wont last. if only we could be like superheroes and go flying around the globe, looking for ...the truth in people's eyes. yet instead we find ourselves perpetuating in self-loathing and pity. pathetic, i know. things are just the way they are though, and im not about to go and steer fate off its course.
humans will build bridges just to burn them, and i hope our lives dont turn out like that.
sometimes life feels like a maze. the end goal is something i know is there, but its so elusive that I always doubt its actual presence. looking back on the days when we were little kids eating icy poles and swinging on swings... I suppose we all have to grow up one day. thats just the reality of life. i dont understand how some people make it look so easy. they just glide through life, seemingly always knowing where they're going and how to get there. maybe inside they're feeling confused and lost like me too, but thats just what everyone says to make themselves feel better.
im scared to think that the world is changing and we will too. i used to think my greatest fear was death, or heights, or, I dont know, but maybe my greatest fear is change. the fact that its inevitable scares the shit out of me. its sad thinking who will still be in my life in ten years' time... twenty, thirty, fifty... its sad thinking that people really do come and go, and that maybe they only stay long enough in your life until they've... done their job, or something. maybe everyone you know is there for a reason- to teach you something. and once thats been learnt, they go. go go go go. and maybe the tragedy of it all is that we dont ever tell people the simple two words- thank you. thank you for the 3am conversations when i couldnt sleep. thank you for sitting on plastic chairs in the mornings and giving me advice. thank you for d&ms at lunch time. thank you for putting up with my rants, my bad moods, my frustration. thank you for being honest. thank you for your empathy. thank you. thank you. thank you for doing something i usually couldnt- believing in me. yeah i know its cliched, and saying that is a cliche in itself, but whatever. some things you've just got to say.
hands on faces, hands on hands, hands on the wall... the photos are hanging upside down now. the only thing i can see through this mist is a light, but it hurts to look at it, even though it's probably my refuge.
maybe people have built me up to be some kind of superhuman for all these years, and i dont know if i can live up to their expectations. i really cant stand that disappointed look people give you. well i'm sorry that i gave you something to believe in. i really am. i do hope i can make you happy.
maybe i just need a pep talk or something. YES YOU CAN. as if. i haven't got a dream. i dont even know if ive got a vision. im so lack lustre these days.
i see pictures of people smiling and looking, well, happy i guess. sometimes i envy them, but then again, what is life without misery? just empty space.
i guess not all hope has been lost, or whatever.
"one who fears failures limits his activities. failure is only the opportunity more intelligently to begin again" - henry ford
looking from that perspective, maybe the only way for us to actually learn is to fail. i guess thats harsh, but it's better than appalling.
crap crap crap crap.
my specialty seems to be failing.
and wasting time.
let everything pile up and well, you'll just explode from the stress. i know things should get done, but,
I dont think
I dont think
I dont think
do I even care?
these days i'm kinda cynical. i give up before i even start. everything just seems enormous and impossible. life itself seems so daunting and most days i just wanna reflect on the past so the future seems like it's not gonna come. i feel like people have changed this year somehow, but they've probably always been like that. maybe i've changed. i suppose the worst of situations brings out the worst in people, but i can't help wishing that i'll wake up one day and everything will be like last year again. birthdays go by, reports are written, songs are shared... the days just keep on falling on top of us and the sad thing is, even if i could freeze a moment, i wouldnt know what to do with it anyway. its pretty miserable. everytime theres laughter or something remotely cheerful, i can't help thinking that this will all be a memory one day; it just wont last. if only we could be like superheroes and go flying around the globe, looking for ...the truth in people's eyes. yet instead we find ourselves perpetuating in self-loathing and pity. pathetic, i know. things are just the way they are though, and im not about to go and steer fate off its course.
humans will build bridges just to burn them, and i hope our lives dont turn out like that.
sometimes life feels like a maze. the end goal is something i know is there, but its so elusive that I always doubt its actual presence. looking back on the days when we were little kids eating icy poles and swinging on swings... I suppose we all have to grow up one day. thats just the reality of life. i dont understand how some people make it look so easy. they just glide through life, seemingly always knowing where they're going and how to get there. maybe inside they're feeling confused and lost like me too, but thats just what everyone says to make themselves feel better.
im scared to think that the world is changing and we will too. i used to think my greatest fear was death, or heights, or, I dont know, but maybe my greatest fear is change. the fact that its inevitable scares the shit out of me. its sad thinking who will still be in my life in ten years' time... twenty, thirty, fifty... its sad thinking that people really do come and go, and that maybe they only stay long enough in your life until they've... done their job, or something. maybe everyone you know is there for a reason- to teach you something. and once thats been learnt, they go. go go go go. and maybe the tragedy of it all is that we dont ever tell people the simple two words- thank you. thank you for the 3am conversations when i couldnt sleep. thank you for sitting on plastic chairs in the mornings and giving me advice. thank you for d&ms at lunch time. thank you for putting up with my rants, my bad moods, my frustration. thank you for being honest. thank you for your empathy. thank you. thank you. thank you for doing something i usually couldnt- believing in me. yeah i know its cliched, and saying that is a cliche in itself, but whatever. some things you've just got to say.
hands on faces, hands on hands, hands on the wall... the photos are hanging upside down now. the only thing i can see through this mist is a light, but it hurts to look at it, even though it's probably my refuge.
maybe people have built me up to be some kind of superhuman for all these years, and i dont know if i can live up to their expectations. i really cant stand that disappointed look people give you. well i'm sorry that i gave you something to believe in. i really am. i do hope i can make you happy.
maybe i just need a pep talk or something. YES YOU CAN. as if. i haven't got a dream. i dont even know if ive got a vision. im so lack lustre these days.
i see pictures of people smiling and looking, well, happy i guess. sometimes i envy them, but then again, what is life without misery? just empty space.
i guess not all hope has been lost, or whatever.
"one who fears failures limits his activities. failure is only the opportunity more intelligently to begin again" - henry ford
looking from that perspective, maybe the only way for us to actually learn is to fail. i guess thats harsh, but it's better than appalling.
24.3.09
it doesn't mean forever when it's backwards
it's an acoustic.
it's a soap opera.
it's an empty swing.
it's a cloudless sky.
it's a timeless city.
it's a capital letter.
it's my heart,
ripped from my chest like a girl on crack.
it's something that doesn't mean anything,
and somehow ends up meaning everything.
it's a soap opera.
it's an empty swing.
it's a cloudless sky.
it's a timeless city.
it's a capital letter.
it's my heart,
ripped from my chest like a girl on crack.
it's something that doesn't mean anything,
and somehow ends up meaning everything.
soundtrack this.
you've got so many ideas about what this world should be;
the masks we should adorn our pretty faces with,
the words we should preach to anyone who'll listen,
the rhymes we should write,
the colours we should paint our nails with.
and me?
i'm just lonely, clutching a cape and wondering if I can possibly save the world
i've got no masks,
nothing worth saying,
no colours at all.
it's a strange coincidence, you and me.
it's a strange coincidence, you and me.
it's a strange coincidence, you and me.
it's a strange coincidence, you and me.
lets act on impulse and look back later,
let us get trampled all over by this thing called love, or whatever- fly in fluorescent aeroplanes and wear big sunglasses until we're different people, lost on this confusing planet where we dont always belong and we're just little fish swimming in a big pond. well belonging's overrated anyway, dont you reckon?
these so-called confessions wont be told today, or tomorrow.
the masks we should adorn our pretty faces with,
the words we should preach to anyone who'll listen,
the rhymes we should write,
the colours we should paint our nails with.
and me?
i'm just lonely, clutching a cape and wondering if I can possibly save the world
i've got no masks,
nothing worth saying,
no colours at all.
it's a strange coincidence, you and me.
it's a strange coincidence, you and me.
it's a strange coincidence, you and me.
it's a strange coincidence, you and me.
lets act on impulse and look back later,
let us get trampled all over by this thing called love, or whatever- fly in fluorescent aeroplanes and wear big sunglasses until we're different people, lost on this confusing planet where we dont always belong and we're just little fish swimming in a big pond. well belonging's overrated anyway, dont you reckon?
these so-called confessions wont be told today, or tomorrow.
23.3.09
cannonball
(confidence)
I cant remember
I dont want to forget
The blood, the fears
The sighs of regret
When I whispered goodbye
You muttered a curse
You thought you could fly;
I dont want to forget
The blood, the fears
The sighs of regret
When I whispered goodbye
You muttered a curse
You thought you could fly;
I crashed the world first.
after all, the answer was a 'yes'
It's too late to cancel now; but we'll sit cross legged on the asphalt, and then we can say that
we felt it this time,
and thing is, we'll actually be telling the truth.
we felt it this time,
and thing is, we'll actually be telling the truth.
i like being reminded of all the things i've fucked up in my life
there is a raindrop on your cheek.
and i would hold an umbrella beneath your eyes every day for the rest of my life if i thought you'd stay by my side.
but i think i'm just grasping at the air where you used to be.
and you want those drops to fall.
you want it to rain so hard nobody ever forgets.
we'll see soon enough.
and i would hold an umbrella beneath your eyes every day for the rest of my life if i thought you'd stay by my side.
but i think i'm just grasping at the air where you used to be.
and you want those drops to fall.
you want it to rain so hard nobody ever forgets.
we'll see soon enough.
22.3.09
these neon lights are hurting my eyes
empirical; - apologies.
why do people find it so hard saying it? maybe it's because they don't want to admit they've got feelings. or, because, if you admit it, then you're setting yourself up to be disappointed. or are we just being cynical? who knows. we're so afraid of vulnerability that we can't bear to tell ourselves the truth. it's weird, waking up one day and realising that you really cant make it on your own. it's frightening, really, that you've let someone become so important to you that you're no longer your own favourite person in the universe. i'm leaving now, because i'm a hypocrite, and i'm obsessed with your photo.
i wish we could all stay the same,
but where's the fun in that?
sign off with a kiss and it'll mean more, apparently.
it's been too long...
xx
why do people find it so hard saying it? maybe it's because they don't want to admit they've got feelings. or, because, if you admit it, then you're setting yourself up to be disappointed. or are we just being cynical? who knows. we're so afraid of vulnerability that we can't bear to tell ourselves the truth. it's weird, waking up one day and realising that you really cant make it on your own. it's frightening, really, that you've let someone become so important to you that you're no longer your own favourite person in the universe. i'm leaving now, because i'm a hypocrite, and i'm obsessed with your photo.
i wish we could all stay the same,
but where's the fun in that?
sign off with a kiss and it'll mean more, apparently.
it's been too long...
xx
ghost trains and jellybeans
the best part is I never cared anyway. yeah, i drowned myself in this tragedy just to see you smile, but now i'm secretly laughing at myself and the way i acted. I found you in lost templates of madness, and I was struck by the dulcet tones of your voice. If only life were a photo frame and I could stop it any second now. or smash it. whatever works. But we've got books to read and fifty-three questions to answer, and time is as unforgiving as ever. I can recognise you even without seeing your face, and the way you hum makes me want to sing along too, even if it's just as you're walking past and we dont even collide. I know forever doesn't exist, but at moments like this, I really wish I could give you a portrait of forever just to prove myself wrong. it's not happening though. And when it seems like we really could be something more, something pulls me back, and springs me back to bitterness, denial and isolation. sorry. sorry. sorry. just rolling along now...
don't bother leaving behind your address, I'm not gonna write.
don't bother leaving behind your address, I'm not gonna write.
I guess it comes down to what you make of the shadows in the dark
what was the last thing you said to him?
"i'll see you soon"
oh.
"i'll see you soon"
oh.
20.3.09
19.3.09
sadness makes the world go around
And it's hard to explain, but it's like this.. creative mess that I'm trying to capture on canvas
pictureperfectiswhatyouare
But I can't get past cheering for the other team.
ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. ANGST.
painted against a black fence and grey dresses with side pony tails.
I wish we could breathe in this moment, but he hasn't seen the looks
the noisy nights,
the scratchy voices,
the trendy magazines,
and the gravity in your eyes.
And you reach that moment when it feels like life is happening, but you can only clutch it in your shaking hands for so long, until the relationships are too battered to save. And she'll say those words and you're back to where you were, taking steps forward while going backwards at the same time. Wishes can only do so much...
I've got an official grudge against c.s.
twenty, twenty-one. and counting.
We've got: "designer drugs and designer friends"
iron these shirts now because I'm not doing your dirty laundry.
"so it's sort of like absurdism?"
absolutely.
thank-you.
pictureperfectiswhatyouare
But I can't get past cheering for the other team.
ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. ANGST. ANGST.
painted against a black fence and grey dresses with side pony tails.
I wish we could breathe in this moment, but he hasn't seen the looks
the noisy nights,
the scratchy voices,
the trendy magazines,
and the gravity in your eyes.
And you reach that moment when it feels like life is happening, but you can only clutch it in your shaking hands for so long, until the relationships are too battered to save. And she'll say those words and you're back to where you were, taking steps forward while going backwards at the same time. Wishes can only do so much...
I've got an official grudge against c.s.
twenty, twenty-one. and counting.
We've got: "designer drugs and designer friends"
iron these shirts now because I'm not doing your dirty laundry.
"so it's sort of like absurdism?"
absolutely.
thank-you.
and the way she hummed, like the world was crashing down but she just had to see those eyes
it was enough to make me cry.
part two
Well I've got dreams too, but I haven't been away from the cover of sleep long enough to really see them.
put this in alphabetical order because I'm having trouble keeping track
you puppet.
"dance this night away... "
(what have we got in common? nothing but coat hangers in neglected first rounds)
you're my secondhand laughter.
we used to be perfect but then the world made my eyes red,
And we started to take pictures of this tragedy before littering our bedroom floors with shiny toffee wrappers.
I don't know if this is a sign, or just how I want to see things
i suppose this is the way it'll end.
CARPE DIEM, kids, be extraordinary, while the sky's still up.
put this in alphabetical order because I'm having trouble keeping track
you puppet.
"dance this night away... "
(what have we got in common? nothing but coat hangers in neglected first rounds)
you're my secondhand laughter.
we used to be perfect but then the world made my eyes red,
And we started to take pictures of this tragedy before littering our bedroom floors with shiny toffee wrappers.
I don't know if this is a sign, or just how I want to see things
i suppose this is the way it'll end.
CARPE DIEM, kids, be extraordinary, while the sky's still up.
17.3.09
it makes me reminiscent of a time when i was younger; and boys stood on the hoods of cars to declare their love for girls.
remind me of when i started caring for the posters on the walls
and the colours in their hair.
and the colours in their hair.
i fear death by numbers
creating only to destroy.
yep, that's us
I've got moral obligations, but they don't mean much to me at all.
we carry cobras in our hands and wear suits to look bigger
we feel numb most days yet she thinks i've got a fever...
we whisper poetry to strangers on the street, and mutter (prophecies) to ourselves on public transport
tumble down the hill and blow them a goodbye kiss.
...well it's kinda fucked, you see,
but that's how the cool kids do it.
always have, always will.
yep, that's us
I've got moral obligations, but they don't mean much to me at all.
we carry cobras in our hands and wear suits to look bigger
we feel numb most days yet she thinks i've got a fever...
we whisper poetry to strangers on the street, and mutter (prophecies) to ourselves on public transport
tumble down the hill and blow them a goodbye kiss.
...well it's kinda fucked, you see,
but that's how the cool kids do it.
always have, always will.
16.3.09
15.3.09
one day we're all going to realise what a big fucking waste of time it all is
and we'll apologise for all the shit we've ever put anybody through
aces
and the automated voice on the machine cries out, "who are you? why are you here?"
but the question that frightens me the most is "where are you going?"
I don't have a fucking clue.
and i just wish that time wasn't so selfish, so impersonal, so bitter.
I wish tomorrow wasn't a definite thing.
i am not in love with infinity.
If life was an orchestra, time would be the conductor, hurling condescending looks our way when we strike the wrong note and bowing at the fall of night before the curtains close.
it doesn't give a shit about us, it's pleased as long as we give it the drama and chaos it thrives upon
the hands on the clock will never cease to travel until the day we cease to be. even then, it will continue claiming its next victims and throwing away ideals. And I can only hide my fear in denial like everyone does, but the future is imminent and I don't want to be a lonely shadow left behind on the road.
I can only hope that when we look back upon these dusty, ash-littered pathways, that I can say you were my friend, and we looked at the sky whenever we could. that we kept our promises and held hands in the leaves. that our kite flew the furthest.. but, that was before we learnt how to define sadness.
i hope i still know who you are in ten years' time.
i hope we don't lose touch.
but the question that frightens me the most is "where are you going?"
I don't have a fucking clue.
and i just wish that time wasn't so selfish, so impersonal, so bitter.
I wish tomorrow wasn't a definite thing.
i am not in love with infinity.
If life was an orchestra, time would be the conductor, hurling condescending looks our way when we strike the wrong note and bowing at the fall of night before the curtains close.
it doesn't give a shit about us, it's pleased as long as we give it the drama and chaos it thrives upon
the hands on the clock will never cease to travel until the day we cease to be. even then, it will continue claiming its next victims and throwing away ideals. And I can only hide my fear in denial like everyone does, but the future is imminent and I don't want to be a lonely shadow left behind on the road.
I can only hope that when we look back upon these dusty, ash-littered pathways, that I can say you were my friend, and we looked at the sky whenever we could. that we kept our promises and held hands in the leaves. that our kite flew the furthest.. but, that was before we learnt how to define sadness.
i hope i still know who you are in ten years' time.
i hope we don't lose touch.
do you have any idea what you're doing? ...no, probably not
i was standing at the fence in the rain (what a cliche)
letting the sounds of trains and cars cover my ears;
people going places
leaving fingerprints on windows
reading road signs,
and breaking the rules.
and i haven't even been to outer space.
we're just kids listening to soundtracks we just may be in love with,
and smashing clocks, dammit.
would you like to audition for a part in my life?
i want a copy of your speech too.
sorry, an unexpected error has occurred.
i've heard that line before.
I can't stand the way they look at you,
but I'd drop a dime just to hear your footsteps...
any day.
(if it's definitely happening)
it's painful,
how you can look my way and the only thing you'll do is... pause, for the briefest second
and then we're back to automated robots.
clink clink clink
thud.
will you tie my shoe laces for me?
i sleep with the key under my pillow
i don't miss you
but i will yesterday.
you've got pretty eyes, but I never got to tell you in person and I wish i had.
start: If i've learnt anything,
yeah, well, but i haven't.
letting the sounds of trains and cars cover my ears;
people going places
leaving fingerprints on windows
reading road signs,
and breaking the rules.
and i haven't even been to outer space.
we're just kids listening to soundtracks we just may be in love with,
and smashing clocks, dammit.
would you like to audition for a part in my life?
i want a copy of your speech too.
sorry, an unexpected error has occurred.
i've heard that line before.
I can't stand the way they look at you,
but I'd drop a dime just to hear your footsteps...
any day.
(if it's definitely happening)
it's painful,
how you can look my way and the only thing you'll do is... pause, for the briefest second
and then we're back to automated robots.
clink clink clink
thud.
will you tie my shoe laces for me?
i sleep with the key under my pillow
i don't miss you
but i will yesterday.
you've got pretty eyes, but I never got to tell you in person and I wish i had.
start: If i've learnt anything,
yeah, well, but i haven't.
ouch
what.
"you know when you look at someone, and..."
what.
"you just realise what they mean to you."
Oh i'm a mess of Hallmark greetings and love notes.
"you know when you look at someone, and..."
what.
"you just realise what they mean to you."
Oh i'm a mess of Hallmark greetings and love notes.
we didn't subscribe to this intolerance, but
it seems to have followed us here like a three legged pedestal.
communicate
communicate
communicate
contact
CONFESS
I had a lapse in concentration and I thought you liked me too
blown away in newspaper articles
the best thing about this world is that we can watch it come down
the worst thing about this world is that we can watch it come down
killer credit cards and designer babies
(the wheel of fortune)
step inside this tragedy and I'll tell you the bad news,
but only if i'll see your face again
who saved the comedian?
SOCIETY
IS
NUMB,
but it entertains us.
i hope it's nice where you are
communicate
communicate
communicate
contact
CONFESS
I had a lapse in concentration and I thought you liked me too
blown away in newspaper articles
the best thing about this world is that we can watch it come down
the worst thing about this world is that we can watch it come down
killer credit cards and designer babies
(the wheel of fortune)
step inside this tragedy and I'll tell you the bad news,
but only if i'll see your face again
who saved the comedian?
SOCIETY
IS
NUMB,
but it entertains us.
i hope it's nice where you are
14.3.09
i've got a broken guitar and it's kinda significant
pirates and robbers,
i promise it's true
c e n s o r s h i p;
we're only trying to live out our picture books.
tattered picnic rugs and open fireplaces
"more, more and more"
freckles on your arms and cartoons about penguins
forget this,
i had a dream and you weren't in it
but it's not so bad
i'll see you next season
singing along to tv theme songs
and we're on the brink of saying those magical words
three words
three syllables
"save me now"
but we can't.
and the screen is blank
the credits start rolling but our stories aren't finished yet
the credits start rolling but our names aren't in it
the credits start, and we end.
i promise it's true
c e n s o r s h i p;
we're only trying to live out our picture books.
tattered picnic rugs and open fireplaces
"more, more and more"
freckles on your arms and cartoons about penguins
forget this,
i had a dream and you weren't in it
but it's not so bad
i'll see you next season
singing along to tv theme songs
and we're on the brink of saying those magical words
three words
three syllables
"save me now"
but we can't.
and the screen is blank
the credits start rolling but our stories aren't finished yet
the credits start rolling but our names aren't in it
the credits start, and we end.
we built bridges out of our dreams,
and you looked at me and said "you can't steal my heart but you can be whoever you want to be"
even if we fall.
the water rolled in from the shore and tickled our toes,
as the ocean roared and echoed its warning
and the bucket and spade you clutched so tightly in your hands,
now befriending dust in your attic
and the charm in your smile,
the way we laughed like we could live forever,
the way we lived like we could rule the world
has been replaced with heavy chains and a pathetic need for acceptance.
"i will keep this photo forever"
you've got teasing looks.
what a flirt.
giggle, giggle, crush.
even if we fall.
the water rolled in from the shore and tickled our toes,
as the ocean roared and echoed its warning
and the bucket and spade you clutched so tightly in your hands,
now befriending dust in your attic
and the charm in your smile,
the way we laughed like we could live forever,
the way we lived like we could rule the world
has been replaced with heavy chains and a pathetic need for acceptance.
"i will keep this photo forever"
you've got teasing looks.
what a flirt.
giggle, giggle, crush.
tears of candle wax
ten more to go and I really think my watch has stopped moving.
movie posters = lies.
maybe we're asking too much of you.
just give a salute and move on
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because that's the only way I know how.
please,
stop crying-
please,
please.
movie posters = lies.
maybe we're asking too much of you.
just give a salute and move on
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because it hurts to look at you the right way round.
I've got you framed sideways on my wall because that's the only way I know how.
please,
stop crying-
please,
please.
12.3.09
please. tell me this is a joke.
"i can't help it if you look like an angel"
you gasp, voice cracks.
feel faint, he mumbles something.
he just makes you feel so.... insane.
hands holding hands holding hearts holding moments holding EVERYTHING ELSE.
there is nothing more than the moments you spend on the patterned picnic blankets.
where your hearts beat in sync
and the world pauses
in
acknowledgement.
scoff, forever and always?
smirk, forever and always.
you gasp, voice cracks.
feel faint, he mumbles something.
he just makes you feel so.... insane.
hands holding hands holding hearts holding moments holding EVERYTHING ELSE.
there is nothing more than the moments you spend on the patterned picnic blankets.
where your hearts beat in sync
and the world pauses
in
acknowledgement.
scoff, forever and always?
smirk, forever and always.
my back aches from carrying you so far
he'll tell you one day how worthless you are.
how much you were a waste of time.
this is after the cheating and the swearing and the crying.
this is after you've convinced yourself that you'll have forgotten him by next week, even though you know you won't have.
he'll tell you one day how you're lying to yourself.
"you don't even see it," he'll say, "you don't even see it."
you'll asking him what you're meant to be seeing and he'll shake his head at you, back away.
"find out for yourself," he'll say.
then he'll leave you behind on that plane of uncertainty and you'll wonder if he's right.
he'll write you one day about how sorry he is.
how he never meant any of it.
and how wrong he was.
but the letter will be returned with a red ink stamp that says "deceased".
his eyes will fill with tears.
and he will realise.
how much you were a waste of time.
this is after the cheating and the swearing and the crying.
this is after you've convinced yourself that you'll have forgotten him by next week, even though you know you won't have.
he'll tell you one day how you're lying to yourself.
"you don't even see it," he'll say, "you don't even see it."
you'll asking him what you're meant to be seeing and he'll shake his head at you, back away.
"find out for yourself," he'll say.
then he'll leave you behind on that plane of uncertainty and you'll wonder if he's right.
he'll write you one day about how sorry he is.
how he never meant any of it.
and how wrong he was.
but the letter will be returned with a red ink stamp that says "deceased".
his eyes will fill with tears.
and he will realise.
11.3.09
helphelphelp
we're turning into trends
and this is turning into a mess
and you're turning into a blur
and my heart's turning into a warzone
and your voice is turning into a gun
or has it always been that way?
and this is turning into a mess
and you're turning into a blur
and my heart's turning into a warzone
and your voice is turning into a gun
or has it always been that way?
THE END GOES LIKE THIS
he looked at me and said "help me learn these quotes. people always say things better than i do"
i stared up at him
and said "no."
i stared up at him
and said "no."
I'm finding it hard to find the right words to say. I can't strum the right chord anymore, so that the sound will echo in your pretty ears and you'll want to fly away on a magic carpet with me. I want the camera to take the perfect shot, to steal that moment so vividly that you can't think about it without shuddering. The photo will send electricity up your body, and looking at it will be like staring at your own name on a graveyard. I want to write the correct answers all the time, yet the black empty lines only seem to penetrate through my mind and do nothing else. You can call me pathetic, but I bet you're doing the same thing.
markers on plastic cups
"have you got friends?"
no,
just people on picnic rugs, listening to the same song as me
waiting for life like me
staring in awe at the sky like me, and wondering who's watching it as well.
they're only three quarters across the universe, but to me it's infinity.
no,
just people on picnic rugs, listening to the same song as me
waiting for life like me
staring in awe at the sky like me, and wondering who's watching it as well.
they're only three quarters across the universe, but to me it's infinity.
I'm guessing you don't care
but, heck, I'd fly to space to take a picture of earth, just so you could see that we're only a blue speck in a cloud of nothing....
shoot a wistful glance at me and I'll be the happiest person alive.
shoot a wistful glance at me and I'll be the happiest person alive.
10.3.09
you're the night i'll never remember
the pills thrum through these bodies forced closer by the intense sound of the drums. beatbeatbeat goes life on the train tracks. tell me when it's our stop and i'll push you off without your shoes on. high, high, high we go. like nothing ever before us. "we're gonna search you we're gonna search you". please do. i can't remember what day it is, what year it is. ears ringing, feet aching. sweat dripping from imagined pores. your pocket holds my heart and this is the closest we will ever be. stringstringstrings on the guitar. or whatever, you whisper in my ear at night. we're not trying to get to mars in thirty seconds. fuck, we already know it's possible. you just have to "have a little faith". falling FALLING like leaves from trees on a cold autumn day. welovethosemomentswhenyourbreathfogsthewindow. bold capital letters on thin white paper. it's see-through.... like, inside-out. kiss goodnight on a warm welcoming cheek. hands on hips. etcetcetc. would you please tell me what comes next?
"you could burn the whole world down,
you could tell me to go to hell;
i'd go."
love is
oblivion.
andahalf.
"you could burn the whole world down,
you could tell me to go to hell;
i'd go."
love is
oblivion.
andahalf.
9.3.09
and then there were cops
three days after the world ended he woke up in a cold sweat. he had dreamed of a better life, and this thought gave him shivers.
maybe we're not all made for this. we're the left-overs, the cyborgs, the over casts. maybe it hurts. maybe he knows. that's why his printed out maps point to unknown places where it's too dark to read the street signs, and his fingers play piano up your arm.
she's taken down the poster of the world she had on her wall, where you had planned your future together. it's blank now; there's nothing left.
you asked me once what i thought of the world.
and i told you that i liked the way it moved on stage.
it meant everything and nothing, and now it means an in-between mix of oblivion and understanding that you've always hated.
three days before the world ended he woke up in a cold sweat. he had dreamed of a rabbit. and a girl. and a map.
they had told him the world was ending,
and then she had kissed him into nothing.
maybe we're not all made for this. we're the left-overs, the cyborgs, the over casts. maybe it hurts. maybe he knows. that's why his printed out maps point to unknown places where it's too dark to read the street signs, and his fingers play piano up your arm.
she's taken down the poster of the world she had on her wall, where you had planned your future together. it's blank now; there's nothing left.
you asked me once what i thought of the world.
and i told you that i liked the way it moved on stage.
it meant everything and nothing, and now it means an in-between mix of oblivion and understanding that you've always hated.
three days before the world ended he woke up in a cold sweat. he had dreamed of a rabbit. and a girl. and a map.
they had told him the world was ending,
and then she had kissed him into nothing.
copies
sleep deprived and I hope this is making sense to you
because in my head
i'm writing a fucking masterpiece.
he reminds me of a unicorn most days
but i think he'd rather stay with "reality"
I dont remember writing this
we're like chiefs in the fog...
If i don't remember where to go tomorrow
will you help me?
dont miss me.
because in my head
i'm writing a fucking masterpiece.
he reminds me of a unicorn most days
but i think he'd rather stay with "reality"
I dont remember writing this
we're like chiefs in the fog...
If i don't remember where to go tomorrow
will you help me?
dont miss me.
yeah, whatever.
Im not sure if I still care or not but it's getting to that stage where being awake is like waiting for everything to fall. My camera is running out of batteries- this moment is going to escape from us... fuck.
We're opening the treasure chests, but what's inside, we've already got. I think we just dont know it yet. You can wear your ribbons and ask us to stand up. What difference does it make?
We'll just go back to our perfect lives and sing along to the musical.
Go run down that alleyway and talk to your cherry cat.
I'm an all-nighter, and you're just a pause in my story.
We're opening the treasure chests, but what's inside, we've already got. I think we just dont know it yet. You can wear your ribbons and ask us to stand up. What difference does it make?
We'll just go back to our perfect lives and sing along to the musical.
Go run down that alleyway and talk to your cherry cat.
I'm an all-nighter, and you're just a pause in my story.
bopping his head
speaking in trends
pop tunes on trains
they needed songs which were relevant to their lives
i hate textbook answers.
dont you?
pop tunes on trains
they needed songs which were relevant to their lives
i hate textbook answers.
dont you?
8.3.09
sixteenth times two, broken glow-sticks
running like fairies
you were high
and she was watching us from the black car...
keys on chains with writing on hands
I thought you'd want to take a photo of the fire
cards which sing songs; it's all in the stars
the artist.
stored in a black perfume bottle
you're visionary,
you cyborg.
you were high
and she was watching us from the black car...
keys on chains with writing on hands
I thought you'd want to take a photo of the fire
cards which sing songs; it's all in the stars
the artist.
stored in a black perfume bottle
you're visionary,
you cyborg.
overload
it's you.
it's me.
it's whatever the fuck you think it should be.
god, we're not trying to destroy this world.
it happens when we carelessly ignore the feelings of those who matter
those you make all the difference.
remind me when the world comes down why it even matters.
cause i'll be blowing bubble gum in time to songs i don't even know.
and i'm sure it willl hurt.
it's me.
it's whatever the fuck you think it should be.
god, we're not trying to destroy this world.
it happens when we carelessly ignore the feelings of those who matter
those you make all the difference.
remind me when the world comes down why it even matters.
cause i'll be blowing bubble gum in time to songs i don't even know.
and i'm sure it willl hurt.
7.3.09
wonderland, green pens
so the story goes,
you pretending to be me pretending to be you pretending to care.
you pretending to be me pretending to be you pretending to care.
what a thriller
i disagree
the hardest part isn't letting go
its knowing who you are
and still wanting to be you.
the hardest part isn't letting go
its knowing who you are
and still wanting to be you.
6.3.09
we were marching to the sound of your apologies
but then the song went out of key and we all fell out of context
like the pictures on your wall
and the fingerprints on your window
too late,
TOO LATE.
save the world, goddamit.
or at least
just ask her.
like the pictures on your wall
and the fingerprints on your window
too late,
TOO LATE.
save the world, goddamit.
or at least
just ask her.
2H adgikm.
all of it
no discussion
"shes impersonal"
she'll say dont cry, but that's all.
and the clock hit four.
no discussion
"shes impersonal"
she'll say dont cry, but that's all.
and the clock hit four.
5.3.09
when i kissed you goodnight
so i kind of love these people.
i want to hold their hands while we fall from rooftops.
and i wish we could see what will happen ...
in the end.
we're destined for something greater.
but all we're hauling up this mountain are empty schoolbags.
because our hands are saved for holding our hearts
just in case he walks along to pick them up.
i want to hold their hands while we fall from rooftops.
and i wish we could see what will happen ...
in the end.
we're destined for something greater.
but all we're hauling up this mountain are empty schoolbags.
because our hands are saved for holding our hearts
just in case he walks along to pick them up.
4.3.09
should have skipped
swimming in colours of green, yellow, red and blue.
we just cant cheer if the passion's not there, you know?
I dont want your face paint
I dont want your fancy ribbons
I dont want your drums
I dont want your sign up sheets
And I dont want your trance music on your shitty speakers
...I just want to sit under a tree and read children's books about wizards who can do things we can't.
but i'll settle for pretend fire-drills and duck ponds.
we just cant cheer if the passion's not there, you know?
I dont want your face paint
I dont want your fancy ribbons
I dont want your drums
I dont want your sign up sheets
And I dont want your trance music on your shitty speakers
...I just want to sit under a tree and read children's books about wizards who can do things we can't.
but i'll settle for pretend fire-drills and duck ponds.
timetables, A15.
if your face was a theory, Id have memorised it yesterday.
too bad you keep turning around to look at them,
heavy looks in your hand.
just keep your hearts on the footpath.
The only thing I'll be treading on is your dignity.
but not before i cross your way and hope to cry...
too bad you keep turning around to look at them,
heavy looks in your hand.
just keep your hearts on the footpath.
The only thing I'll be treading on is your dignity.
but not before i cross your way and hope to cry...
2.3.09
broken rooftops and paper balloons
did this thought ever occur to you:
who's gonna save the superheroes?
who's gonna save the superheroes?
I'm curiously just sick of it all.
KNOCK KNOCK.
who's there?
...
must you ask?
KNOCK KNOCK.
who's there?
...
must you ask?
listen real if you want to listen close
how insatiable is this?
dreaming in mix-tapes and floating in reality. we're only bubbles...
pretty sure you dont give a shit anyway.
It's a classic story, this one.
boy meets girl
girl meets boy
they live in ...music.
dreaming in mix-tapes and floating in reality. we're only bubbles...
pretty sure you dont give a shit anyway.
It's a classic story, this one.
boy meets girl
girl meets boy
they live in ...music.
WE ARE IN A PHASE
the only difference between you and me
is that
you've still got a long way to go.
what if the train leaves?
rotate.
is that
you've still got a long way to go.
what if the train leaves?
rotate.
1.3.09
emotional/emotional
rushed words with grey baskets, i wish it was more...
initial this please.
Im listening to instrumental versions songs these days
the lyrics remind me of things too much
And they have no right to.
shuttle buses at airports, and we're waiting for the red taxi to outer space
I'm waiting for you to ask me
or we can-
pack up, and get changed.
I'm not sorry. I never really was to begin with.
initial this please.
Im listening to instrumental versions songs these days
the lyrics remind me of things too much
And they have no right to.
shuttle buses at airports, and we're waiting for the red taxi to outer space
I'm waiting for you to ask me
or we can-
pack up, and get changed.
I'm not sorry. I never really was to begin with.
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